Joke thread

[chris63]

"I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don't pay it back, I'm going to get repossessed"



I had a job drilling holes for water - it was well boring"

 

[Bill Walker]

Me and my mate were fishing just off the Australian coast, when suddenly there was a crash and the boat stopped. My friend turned and said "I think we've hit something"

I looked over the side and said "Great Barry, a reef"

rolls eyes...:)

 

[2sheikhs]

Ermmmmmmmmmmmmmm ... you nicked that off me.

Colinbellsjockstrap, give oakiecokie his erection back at once.

 

[oakiecokie]

Colinbellsjockstrap, give oakiecokie his erection back at once.

The only thing that makes the fucker stand up is when they`re playing "God Save The Queen".

 

[Ancient Citizen]

The only thing that makes the fucker stand up is when they`re playing "God Save The Queen".

Sadly, It's inevitable, once it could hold up a wet bath towel.
Now it would struggle with a fucking Kleenex.

 

[crazyg]

Sadly, It's inevitable, once it could hold up a wet bath towel.
Now it would struggle with a fucking Kleenex.

Luxury. I used to dream of holding up a tissue.
(I tell myself it's the tablets, not that I'm a FOC)

 

[Indaparkside]

Syrian trialist at city, phones home hey mum I scored a hatrick today and pep said I might make it into the 1st team. I’m really happy for you son she replies but the house has been robbed your sisters been raped and your fathers been murdered shit he reply’s that’s terrible, I know replied his mum but you had to bring us to beswick didn’t you.


The old ones are the best

 

[prestonibbo_mcfc]

Spoiler: Bit gross

Monday - Stayed in, Dad came down an fucked me.
Tuesday - Stayed in, got fucked by Dad.
Wednesday - Stayed in, Dad fucked me doggy style.
Thursday - Stayed in, Dad spunked on my face.
Friday - Stayed in, Dad gave my arse a right pounding.
Saturday - Went to watch Man Utd play. Wish I'd fucking stayed in.

 

[Bill Walker]

Two men are putting up shelves getting a shop ready at the airport
They decide to take tea break
One guy says to the other "I bet some stupid tourist opens the door to see what were selling"
Sure enough, a minute later a Japanese tourist pops his head in
"What you sell" he says
One of the guys looks at him with a grimace and says "arseholes were selling arseholes"
The Japanese guys replies "Ahh your doing velly well, only 2 left"

 

[PR7]

Two tunnocks biscuits waiting on their cases coming off the plane, one says to the other, ‘long u been a wafer’ lol