Joke thread

[Paulpowersleftfoot]

I saw a dwarf using a rope to get over the prison wall yesterday.

I thought 'that's a little condescending.

 

[jimharri]

Me and my mate were fishing just off the Australian coast, when suddenly there was a crash and the boat stopped. My friend turned and said "I think we've hit something"

I looked over the side and said "Great Barry, a reef"

 

[Banned Tosspot]

Me and my mate were fishing just off the Australian coast, when suddenly there was a crash and the boat stopped. My friend turned and said "I think we've hit something"

I looked over the side and said "Great Barry, a reef"

 

[oakiecokie]

I went for a prostate examination recently.
The doctor told me to strip off, lie on my side and pull my knees up under my chin.
I heard the "snap" of a rubber glove getting put on and then felt the intrusion of his digit into my rear passage.
"Don't worry" he said, "It's normal to get an erection during a prostate examination."
"I haven't got an erection" I said.
"No, but I have" he said.

Ermmmmmmmmmmmmmm ... you nicked that off me.

 

[feelymcfeel]

The problem with explaining puns to kleptomaniacs is they're always taking things literally.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

I'm on Dragons den next week...I've invented a land mine that looks like a prayer mat.... It's so good I reckon the prophets will go through the roof.

 

[Sid C]

I'm on Dragons den next week...I've invented a land mine that looks like a prayer mat.... It's so good I reckon the prophets will go through the roof.

You might have to invent a flack jacket as well ;)

 

[aguerrrroooooooooooo]

I saw a dwarf using a rope to get over the prison wall yesterday.

I thought 'that's a little condescending.

Haha brilliant

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

This man meets this little girl in a dark forest...
She says: "I'm scared"
He says: "You're scared....I've got to walk home on my own"

 

[dickie davies]

My wife accused me of being a transvestite, so I packed her things and left