Joke thread

[prestonibbo_mcfc]

Two tunnocks biscuits waiting on their cases coming off the plane, one says to the other, ‘long u been a wafer’ lol

hee hee. Love them tunnocks.

 

[big gaz]

I went for a prostate examination recently.
The doctor told me to strip off, lie on my side and pull my knees up under my chin.
I heard the "snap" of a rubber glove getting put on and then felt the intrusion of his digit into my rear passage.
"Don't worry" he said, "It's normal to get an erection during a prostate examination."
"I haven't got an erection" I said.
"No, but I have" he said.

Even Peter keys' done that

 

[bumbleblue]

I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.

I won't lie, it was a Rocky Road.

 

[malg]

Spoiler: Bit gross

Monday - Stayed in, Dad came down an fucked me.
Tuesday - Stayed in, got fucked by Dad.
Wednesday - Stayed in, Dad fucked me doggy style.
Thursday - Stayed in, Dad spunked on my face.
Friday - Stayed in, Dad gave my arse a right pounding.
Saturday - Went to watch Man Utd play. Wish I'd fucking stayed in.

You missed the first line to this which is "Josef Fritzel's daughter's diary"

 

[ancoats]

i think we have 2 gay male ghost in our house ?? and every time i go up stairs at night they tray to put the willies up me

 

[RadcliffeRick]

i think we have 2 gay male ghost in our house ?? and every time i go up stairs at night they tray to put the willies up me

I am getting lost with all these sexual practices, teabagging, traying, filching.......Armageddon!!

 

[Paulpowersleftfoot]

I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester yesterday.

He had a Wigan address.

 

[taleofbluehalves]

In response to the messages about my dog , yes he's bitten 3 people with man u scarves on, 5 people wearing man u shirts and 20 people wearing mourinho t-shirts , but for the very last time HE'S NOT FOR SALE

 

[jimharri]

A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of whiskey.

The bartender says, Wow, that's a lot of whiskey. Are you celebrating?

The man replies, Yes! My first blowjob.

The bartender says, Oh, congratulations! But if you don't mind me asking, why ten shots?

The man says, If that won't get the taste out, nothing will.

 

[DrBlueBob]

So there's this bloke with OCD...
What? Don't hate me, he's given his permission.