The Atlantic 1941, a lone German U boat is being hunted by the royal navy,s new submarine destroyers after sinking shipping bringing supplies to Britain. SILENT RUNNING, orders the captain as the destroyers gather above, total silence is observed by all, beads of sweat run down exhausted faces as the echo sounder signals destroyers directly above.Suddenly, breaking the silence, there is a metallic tinkling noise from within the bowels of the sub that seems to get faster, then slower, and fast again but not letting up.MEIN GOTT, hisses the captain to the first mate, ffs go and find out what that noise is before we are sunk.So the first mate goes to find out what it is, after a few minutes the tinkling noise stops, thank fck thinks the captain we are saved, then the first mate returns. What the hell was it? asks the captain, well, says the first mate I tracked it down to the kitchen where the head cook was having a wank and his cufflinks were hitting the side of the ships hull, well thank god you made him stop retorts the captain. Oh, says the first mate, he wouldnt stop.............. but I got him to take his cufflinks off.
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
1.618034
Well-Known Member
I've just met a Chinese drug addict.
He said, "Have you seen my cocaine?"
I said, "Not since he starred in Zulu."
He said, "Have you seen my cocaine?"
I said, "Not since he starred in Zulu."
FantasyIreland
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 29 Oct 2008
- Messages
- 64,697
1983 wants its joke backTwo young nuns riding their pushbikes along a cobblestone alley not far from the convent. Have you ever come this way before? pants one to the other.
manclad
Well-Known Member
Funniest joke I have read for a long time. Absolutely brilliant.!!!!I've just met a Chinese drug addict.
He said, "Have you seen my cocaine?"
I said, "Not since he starred in Zulu."
jimharri
Moderator
Bloke went into a pet shop to buy 12 bees. The assistant counted out 13 and handed them over to the customer.
"But; I only wanted 12", he said.
"That's okay", the assistant replied, "the thirteenth one is a freebie".
"But; I only wanted 12", he said.
"That's okay", the assistant replied, "the thirteenth one is a freebie".
Zubrman
Well-Known Member
The three unwritten rules in life are:
1)
2)
3)
1)
2)
3)
Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
Can't believe it's taken me 4 days to get that one.Arf.
Very good.
Big Swifty
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 8 Nov 2011
- Messages
- 4,364
A man goes to see a lawyer and asks "How much do you charge to answer three questions?"
Lawyer: "£2,000"
Man: "Don't you think that's rather a lot of money?"
Lawyer: "No, I don't. What's your third question?"
Not very funny or new but I haven't posted for a while and I want people to like me.
Lawyer: "£2,000"
Man: "Don't you think that's rather a lot of money?"
Lawyer: "No, I don't. What's your third question?"
Not very funny or new but I haven't posted for a while and I want people to like me.
M
M
manchester blue
Guest
Can't believe it's taken me 4 days to get that one.
Very good.
I’m still working on it!