Joke thread

[Big Swifty]

Four days? I only posted it 7 minutes ago..

 

[DrBlueBob]

A man goes to see a lawyer and asks "How much do you charge to answer three questions?"

Lawyer: "£2,000"

Man: "Don't you think that's rather a lot of money?"

Lawyer: "No, I don't. What's your third question?"

Not very funny or new but I haven't posted for a while and I want people to like me.

There you go. :-)

 

[Big Swifty]

Than you doctor. I feel better already.

 

[Uwe Already]

Following on from jimharri’s bee joke:

I went into a pet shop the other day and said I’d like a wasp, they said they didn’t sell wasps, so I told them “but you’ve got one in the window”...

 

[RadcliffeRick]

I know this in not a video channel but her goes anyway. My favorite monkey joke:-

 

[Blue Mist]

I know this in not a video channel but her goes anyway. My favorite monkey joke:-

I remember when that first came out, absolutely brilliant then and it still is now.

 

[Big Swifty]

Boy goes into music shop to buy a mouth organ. Shopkeeper says "That's funny - a young girl came in half an hour ago to buy one."
Boy says "Oh, that'll be our Monica."

Same boy goes into a posh chemists to get a bar of soap. Chemist says "D'you want it scented?"
Boy says "No thanks, I'll take it with me"

Boy goes to a pet shop to buy a tropical fish. Shopkeeper says "Will you be wanting an aquarium?"
Boy says "I don't care what star sign it was born under - I just want a f****** tropical fish"

 

[Big Swifty]

I like these.

Oh, I forgot. I posted them.

 

[JULES]

Following on from jimharri’s bee joke:

I went into a pet shop the other day and said I’d like a wasp, they said they didn’t sell wasps, so I told them “but you’ve got one in the window”...

a guy goes into a record shop and asks the assistant for one of those sound effect records. what sound effect do you want?
I want a swarm of wasps
hold a min, here we are, puts disc on record player, is that ok?
no, the sound is a bit low pitch
oh, I am sorry, I put the B side on

 

[Blue_eyes]

Did you hear about the long distance lorry driver who loved lorries so much he had sex with them...................he was found to be hgv positive.