Joke thread

[manchester blue]

thats 30 seconds I'll never get back !

I just read the punchline and realised I didn’t need to read the rest :)

 

[horlock_was_super]

View attachment 47449

Lucky girl as I see she’s copped off with a multi millionaire footballer (?) too

 

[blue44]

I just read the punchline and realised I didn’t need to read the rest :)

i was punch drunk when i got to the punch line or lack of it.

 

[blue44]

Lucky girl as I see she’s copped off with a multi millionaire footballer (?) too

no idea who you mean mate,every girl i work with looks like that picture,i tell them you're horrific when you dont need to be,but the young know best.

 

[Dogtanian]

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.

Apparently the correct terms are “cremation” and “burial.”

 

[Dogtanian]

I asked my wife suggestions for an exercise routine. She said, “Why don’t you try lunges?”

I said: “That’s a...big step.”

 

[horlock_was_super]

no idea who you mean mate,every girl i work with looks like that picture,i tell them you're horrific when you dont need to be,but the young know best.

Phil the face in the background

 

[RadcliffeRick]

The two prawns from the previous "joke" went to a disco together to reconnect after Christans shark experience.it ended ok as Justin pulled a muscle

 

[nw42]

The two prawns from the previous "joke" went to a disco together to reconnect after Christans shark experience.it ended ok as Justin pulled a muscle

I heard he got crabs

 

[Mid Wales blue]

Lucky girl as I see she’s copped off with a multi millionaire footballer (?) too

is that the one who’ll suck her toes/cut them with his teeth?

 

[Mid Wales blue]

The two prawns from the previous "joke" went to a disco together to reconnect after Christans shark experience.it ended ok as Justin pulled a muscle

Now that was better than the original, short and to the point!

 

[bluethrunthru]

Man walks into a bar carrying a gun and says

"right - who in here slept with my wife"

Voice at the back says

" you haven't got enough fucking bullets mate......"

 

[dickie davies]

A shark is swimming along the bottom of a shallow bay when he comes across a squid who is throwing up
He says to the squid, "you need some fresh air. Hold on to me and I'll drag you to the surface "
The squid, who is afraid of the shark but too scared to refuse, holds onto the shark and they both head upwards, when a bigger shark appears
The first shark arches his body and in a single movement throws his poorly companion at the big shark and shouts "there's that sick squid I owe you"

 

[blue44]

 

[Dogtanian]

I'm worried about my friend who hoards magazines...

I think he has issues!

 

[blue44]

 

[JRockBlues]

A shark is swimming along the bottom of a shallow bay when he comes across a squid who is throwing up
He says to the squid, "you need some fresh air. Hold on to me and I'll drag you to the surface "
The squid, who is afraid of the shark but too scared to refuse, holds onto the shark and they both head upwards, when a bigger shark appears
The first shark arches his body and in a single movement throws his poorly companion at the big shark and shouts "there's that sick squid I owe you"

Was the bigger one a loan shark?

 

[Hayley Croppers chopper]

Was the bigger one a loan shark?

There was two of them, he wasn’t alone.

 

[KS55]

There was two of them, he wasn’t alone.

And their tandem was outside.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]