TheRemainsOfTheDave
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- 16 Mar 2017
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
LWashington
Well-Known Member
i like it
its not funny, but jokes don't have to be to like them
I've got some unfunny ones.
Two crocodiles swimming down a river, suddenly they come to a fork in the river. One turns to the other and says, "That's strange, I could have sworn it was Thursday."
A Hell's Angel goes into a DIY store and asks for a tin of green paint. The assisstant says "Sorry we've only got yellow paint left."
The Hell's Angel replies, "That's alright I've got my bike outside."
Chief Sitting Bull is in his teepee, enjoying a moments peace. After a while, a young member of the tribe enters, sir he says, I have a question, ask then says chief Sitting Bull and I will answer. Ok, says the young brave,I was wondering how we get our names. Well, says the chief,after the father has helped with the birth of his child,he goes walkabout,and gets the name from something memorable that he sees. For instance, swooping crow, running bear, two wolves, and your own sister flying dove,were all named this way.Oh, says the young brave that explains it,thank you. Thats quite alright Two Bison Fucking, I am pleased to help.
Last edited:
Big Swifty
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 8 Nov 2011
- Messages
- 4,381
I've got some unfunny ones.
Two crocodiles swimming down a river, suddenly they come to a fork in the river. One turns to the other and says, "That's strange, I could have sworn it was Thursday."
A Hell's Angel goes into a DIY store and asks for a tin of green paint. The assisstant says "Sorry we've only got yellow paint left."
The Hell's Angel replies, "That's alright I've got my bike outside."
Quite correct.
They are unfunny
Big Swifty
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 8 Nov 2011
- Messages
- 4,381
Here's another unfunny one.
A man goes into a cocktail bar and says "What gin do you have?" The barman, who fancies himself as a wit, says "There's three types of gin ..... oxy-gin, hydro gin, and Gordon's gin".
The customer replies "Well, there's three types of turds - mus-turd, cus-turd, and you, you big shit"
From my younger days, obviously.
A man goes into a cocktail bar and says "What gin do you have?" The barman, who fancies himself as a wit, says "There's three types of gin ..... oxy-gin, hydro gin, and Gordon's gin".
The customer replies "Well, there's three types of turds - mus-turd, cus-turd, and you, you big shit"
From my younger days, obviously.
jimharri
Moderator
I've got some unfunny ones.
Two crocodiles swimming down a river, suddenly they come to a fork in the river. One turns to the other and says, "That's strange, I could have sworn it was Thursday."
A Hell's Angel goes into a DIY store and asks for a tin of green paint. The assisstant says "Sorry we've only got yellow paint left."
The Hell's Angel replies, "That's alright I've got my bike outside."
Christ, they even make some of mine appear mildly amusing.Here's another unfunny one.
A man goes into a cocktail bar and says "What gin do you have?" The barman, who fancies himself as a wit, says "There's three types of gin ..... oxy-gin, hydro gin, and Gordon's gin".
The customer replies "Well, there's three types of turds - mus-turd, cus-turd, and you, you big shit"
From my younger days, obviously.
Ish.
If you fellas have day jobs, I wouldn't go jacking them in for a career on stage just yet.
John Travolta went to his local hospital 2 nights ago.
Complained he had chills that were multiplying....
Doctor treated him for Saturday night Fever and sent him home, telling him he was staying alive
I cant remember who said it but 'This joke isn't funny anymore' especially as it has been posted on here at east twice before, maybe three times.
that would officially make it a turkey.I cant remember who said it but 'This joke isn't funny anymore' especially as it has been posted on here at east twice before, maybe three times.
(yes, I know, this joke bowls you over.)
Paulpowersleftfoot
Well-Known Member
Katie Hopkins visited a primary school and went into a classroom.
They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Hopkins if she would like to lead the discussion of the word “Tragedy”.
So she asked the class for an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and suggests: “If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” said Hopkins , “that would be an accident.”
A little girl raised her hand and offers: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,”
“That’s what we would call a great loss.”
The room went silent. No other children volunteered an idea.
Hopkins searched the room. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally at the back of the room, a boy raises his hand.
In a quiet voice he says: “If a private jet carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic!” exclaims Hopkins
“That’s absolutely right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” said the boy, “because it wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”
They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Hopkins if she would like to lead the discussion of the word “Tragedy”.
So she asked the class for an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and suggests: “If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” said Hopkins , “that would be an accident.”
A little girl raised her hand and offers: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,”
“That’s what we would call a great loss.”
The room went silent. No other children volunteered an idea.
Hopkins searched the room. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally at the back of the room, a boy raises his hand.
In a quiet voice he says: “If a private jet carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic!” exclaims Hopkins
“That’s absolutely right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” said the boy, “because it wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
Whoa, steady on James.Christ, they even make some of mine appear mildly amusing.