Joke thread

[Magicpole]

We’ve all been there.

 

[Magicpole]

I was really confused when my printer started playing music…

Turns out the paper was jamming!

I will get your coat.

 

[Magicpole]

Not bad.

 

[SCEtoAUX]

A pear from liverpool has become the first ever piece of fruit to pass it's driving test.

The problem is,he doesn't avocado.

I've read loads of these today, this still has me laughing.

 

[bluebc]

 

[nw42]

 

[nw42]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[balotellishaircut]

Sadly the man who invented predictive text died today.

His funfair will be hello on Sundial

 

[dronefromsector7G]

What does Jeff Bezos do every night before bed? He puts his pajamazon!

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[Bill Walker]

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.”

“I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been fucking complaining ever since you got here.”

 

[unexpected item]

Went for a job at a blacksmith the other day.
He asked me if I'd ever shoed a horse.
I said 'No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off."

 

[Bill Walker]

All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
Trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum
And insulted him,
So in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,
The stomach was bloated,
The legs got wobbly,
The eyes got watery,
And the blood was toxic..
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
.
The Moral of the story?
Even though the others do all the work...
An Arse Hole is usually in charge..

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]