Joke thread

[DrBlueBob]

Very good but I wonder if you know the origins of that song ?

Bob Marley came to Manchester to do a concert and after the gig he went into the Grey Horse on Portland Street and asked for a Lambs Navy rum but was told they didn't have any so he asked for a pork pie. Again the landlord said they were sold out. He went home and feeling fed up, sat down and wrote the song ' No rum and no pie.'

Makes me chuckle.
Lenny Henry from way back when wasn't it?

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

Man:- "What's the difference between a penis and a leg of chicken?"

Girl:- "I don't know"

Man:- "Do you want to come on a picnic?"


Good old Bernard.

 

[Blue Mist]

Makes me chuckle.
Lenny Henry from way back when wasn't it?

I remember the joke from a Rasta comedian with a really broad Lancashire accent called Jah Ramsbottom. He did it but I cant remember what show it was on.

 

[DrBlueBob]

I remember the joke from a Rasta comedian with a really broad Lancashire accent called Jah Ramsbottom. He did it but I cant remember what show it was on.

Sir Lenny probably nicked from him, or vice versa. Can't listen to the song without singing your lyrics.

 

[Indaparkside]

Old dear in the butchers grabs a steak she’s pulling it prodding it stretching it butcher shouts over, oy it’s not your husbands cock it won’t get any bigger playing with it.

 

[Mozzer]

Lenny Henry saying something funny? Now you really are having a laugh.

 

[Ancient Citizen]

I’ve just left my wife as every time she cook’s she sings songs by Bob Marley

So no woman no pie

Love Bob Marley, but misheard the lyrics to that song for years, I always thought he was singing
''No rum and no pies.''

Edit. Just seen same comment above!

 

[DrBlueBob]

Lenny Henry saying something funny? Now you really are having a laugh.

Broken clocks?

 

[DazWA9]

Julius Caesar and Pompey the Great were rivals for the position of First Consul of Rome. They spoke before the Senate, putting forward their cases for election to the post, by recounting their deeds in the service of Rome.

“When the Gauls attacked Rome, I defended the city,” Pompey said, “and drove them out killing 100,000 Gauls.”

“I invaded Gaul,” Caesar said, “and I too slew 100,000 Gauls.”

So the Senate gave the position to Caesar because in Europe away Gauls count double

 

[DazWA9]

An Englishman, a Welshman, and a Pakistani meet in the waiting room at a hospital.

Over the course of a conversation, it becomes apparent that all three are expectant fathers, all are first-timers, and all their wives are in labour right at that very moment.

The three get talking and are getting on rather well when the doctor appears, looking a little bit flustered.

“Gentlemen, I’m pleased to say that all your wives have delivered healthy sons, my congratulations to all of you.

However, I’m afraid we do have a small problem. We’re a small hospital and we’re not used to the maternity ward being quite so busy- I’m afraid that the midwife forgot to label the cots. We don’t know whose is whose!”

The Pakistani gentlemen smiles and says “Well, I think I can probably pick mine out of the three, but you two have got a bit of a problem.”

“Nonsense!”, says the Welshman, “I can tell my own son! Come on, saesneg, we can sort this out between us.”

The Englishman reluctantly agrees, and the three troop off to the maternity ward. On arrival, the Englishman enters first and promptly returns with what is, very obviously, the Pakistani child.

The Pakistani fellow protests, as you would, to which the Englishman says:

“Sorry mate, but one of them in there is Welsh, and I’m not taking any chances!”