Joke thread

I came home today and shouted "WIFE, PREPARE FOR ANAL DESTRUCTION!!!......


I've just bought toilet roll from the pound shop."


........................


Whats the difference between a Lesbian in a porno film and a Lesbian in real life?...


About 12 stone


..............................


My wife reckons she could fall asleep on a log.


So to test this, I've shit on her side of the bed.


...................................

Old Chinese wise man say, oral sex make your day but anal sex make your hole weak!
 
Every man's dream: Daughter on the cover of Vogue, son on the cover of a Football weekly, mistress on the cover of Playboy and wife on the cover of Missing Persons. ;)
 
A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things. The first little boy says, "Alligator." "Very good, that's a big word." The second boy says,
"Predator." "Yes, that's another big word. Well done." Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss." After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it
doesn't eat anything." "Well my sister has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like there's no tomorrow."
 
Vidal Sassons funeral's won't be televised live, but there will be highlights ..
 
A real woman is a man's best friend.


She will never stand him up and never let him down.


She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him
after a bad day.


She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do, to
live without fear and forget regret.


She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to
his most intimate desires.



She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most
handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident,
sexy, seductive and invincible...























No wait...Sorry.

I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that.

Never mind.
 
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