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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
BackofJeanette
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 20 Apr 2011
- Messages
- 1,584
This fat girl came up to me in the pub last night and said "Hi, I'm Anita"
I said, "I can fucking see that!"
.................................
Barry Gibb has asked that Robin be buried with his twin Maurice .... The grave digger said it depends on "HOW DEEP IS YOUR BRUV?"
..................................
I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom ...... They are fucking Brilliant, It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex...
............................
Two testicles were arguing about what they really were.The first said, "I think we're walnuts."The second said "I think we're chestnuts."
The penis turned to them and said,
"Will you two shut the fuck up. You're both talking bollocks!"<br /><br />-- Wed May 23, 2012 10:42 pm --<br /><br />My dyslexic girlfriend sent me a text saying she loved anal.
My excitement disappeared when I got home and found she'd run off with my best friend Alan
I said, "I can fucking see that!"
.................................
Barry Gibb has asked that Robin be buried with his twin Maurice .... The grave digger said it depends on "HOW DEEP IS YOUR BRUV?"
..................................
I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom ...... They are fucking Brilliant, It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex...
............................
Two testicles were arguing about what they really were.The first said, "I think we're walnuts."The second said "I think we're chestnuts."
The penis turned to them and said,
"Will you two shut the fuck up. You're both talking bollocks!"<br /><br />-- Wed May 23, 2012 10:42 pm --<br /><br />My dyslexic girlfriend sent me a text saying she loved anal.
My excitement disappeared when I got home and found she'd run off with my best friend Alan
Ste1969
Well-Known Member
Breaking news , it has just been reported that the next person to turn down the Liverpool job will have their benefits stopped
The double dip recession will become literal when it affects the condom industry.
The double dip recession will become literal when it affects the condom industry.
charliebigspuds
Well-Known Member
I thought I heard the ghost of Robin Gibb in my herb garden, but when I went to check it was just the chive talking
Just seen the ghost of Robin Gibb, fuck me it gave me the hee bee bee gees
Just seen the ghost of Robin Gibb, fuck me it gave me the hee bee bee gees
Ancient Citizen
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 26 Jul 2009
- Messages
- 15,711
My new Thai girlfriend says that a small penis shouldn't be an issue in a strong and loving relationship, which I suppose is true.
But I still wish she didn't have one.
But I still wish she didn't have one.
Frank hears the word '****' at school and wonders what it means.
He thinks about it all evening until finally going to ask his Dad.
"Dad. What's a ****?"
His dad looks at Frank, puts a hand on his shoulder and says, "Come with me, son."
He takes Frank into his bedroom where Frank's mum was sleeping soundly. He throws off her covers.
"See that, son." Frank's dad points at the hairy muff between Frank's mum's legs. "That's a vagina. The rest of it's a ****."
He thinks about it all evening until finally going to ask his Dad.
"Dad. What's a ****?"
His dad looks at Frank, puts a hand on his shoulder and says, "Come with me, son."
He takes Frank into his bedroom where Frank's mum was sleeping soundly. He throws off her covers.
"See that, son." Frank's dad points at the hairy muff between Frank's mum's legs. "That's a vagina. The rest of it's a ****."
Ste1969
Well-Known Member
I'm never going to a Kasabian concert ever again,
I heard that the lead guitarist tends to lob seamen.
I heard that the lead guitarist tends to lob seamen.
D
D
dronefromsector7g
Guest
Little red riding hood is walking through the woods when she hears a rustling noise. She walks over to the bushes and sees someone crouching down low.
Its none other than Mr Wolf.
"My my Mr Wolf, what big red bulging eyes you've got" Says Ms Hood.
Mr Wolf looks up and growls "Fuck off I'm having a shit!"
Its none other than Mr Wolf.
"My my Mr Wolf, what big red bulging eyes you've got" Says Ms Hood.
Mr Wolf looks up and growls "Fuck off I'm having a shit!"
My girlfriend (40) couldn't wait to tell me a great news that her daughter is pregnant. She was waiting for my happy response but instead, I shook my head in disbelief and I was quite disappointed.
I asked her: "Do you know what that means?
What? - she replied.
It means that soon I will begin to f..k grandmothers ;(
I asked her: "Do you know what that means?
What? - she replied.
It means that soon I will begin to f..k grandmothers ;(
paphos-mcfc
Well-Known Member
Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub late in the evening. The officer noticed a man leaving the bar so pissed that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test.
To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication.
The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be fucked."
"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy"..
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test.
To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication.
The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be fucked."
"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy"..