Joke thread

[mrcunny]

Fergies buying all his players a new watch its not a rolex tho its a SECONDA

 

[mancitymick]

How do you put a champagne cork back in an open bottle???

I don't know, ask a rag!!!

 

[gaudinho's stolen car]

Frankie Boyle ‏ @frankieboyle
Glasgow wetter than Whitney Houston's last joint

 

[amy-lev]

How do you put a champagne cork back in an open bottle???

I don't know, ask a rag!!!

Love this <3

 

[TrueBlue76]

Jusst received the following text.

What goes Beep Beep Beep Beep?



Uniteds open top bus reversing back into the garage.

 

[mrcunny]

I'm at Waterstones tomorrow launching my new book. "women & the struggle to reach orgasm". Please let me know if you can't come.

 

[mrcunny]

Wife asks husband "Could you be more like Manchester United when we have sex?"

"What do you mean by that?" says husband.

She replies, "You stay on top for ages and then come second."

 

[mrcunny]

News alert: Ticketmaster announce two thirds off next Bee Gee's tour dates.

 

[Ste1969]

I see Mark Zuckerberg has got married to Priscilla Chan.

It's nice to know that despite having billions in the bank, he still shops online

 

[2sheikhs]

A man walks into his daughters bedroom and sees her masturbating with a cucumber. He says "you dirty little woman. I was going to eat that later......it'll taste of cucumber now". (The likes of Laurent Charvet might find it funny. To everyone else, I apologise).
A female bodybuilder goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, I've grown a penis because I've taken too many steroids".
Doctor:" Anabolic?"
Woman: "No, just a penis".