Joke thread

[jimharri]

I manage a football team made up of roadies.

We play in a 4-1-2-1-2 formation.

 

[whothefisAlice]

A black man, a racist, an Illegal immigrant and a terrorist walk in to a bar........


Barman...'what can I get for yer Mr President'?

 

[blue12]

A Geordie lad gets off with a Sheffield lass. He drops his pants, gets his cock out and the lass says: "Bye eck, that's a gud un". He says: "What's a gud un?" She replys: "It means a big one". She drops her knickers and he says: "Bye, that's a canny un". She says: "What's a canny un?" He replies: "A fucking big valley that cowboys ride through"

 

[BackofJeanette]

A little guy is sat at the bar, when all of a sudden a thug smacks him in the face and says "that's KUNG FU from Japan", a bit later the same thug smacks him again and says "that's KARATE from Korea", the little guy gets up and leaves the bar. A short time later he comes back and smacks the thug knocking him out cold and says to the barman "when that prick wakes up, tell him that was a fuckin SHOVEL from B&Q.....

.........................................


I've opened a bakery recently and a lady phoned me up, wanting a cake with 'I SUCK COCKS' written on it.

I thought it was weird but made it anyway.

Mrs Cox was pissed off when I delivered it.

So was her son, Isaac.

 

[whothefisAlice]

Chris Smalling.

 

[BackofJeanette]

The wife asked how many women have I slept with? I replied, ''Only you...!

All the others kept me awake all night shagging...!"

 

[Cellarite]

I gave the wife an orgasm the other night. The ungrateful woman spat it out.

 

[TrueBlue76]

I gave the wife an orgasm the other night. The ungrateful woman spat it out.

truthfully laughed out loud at this one whilst in work. Had to show it to some of the lads to explian why I burst out laughing.

 

[BackofJeanette]

For GSC

My wife was horrified when she found out the babysitter was pregnant.
."You sick bastard!" she screamed, "She's only 13, never mind the fact that she's disabled as well!"

"Whoa..!" I said, "What kind of sick pervert do you think I am?"
"Are you telling me that you're not the father!" she demanded."
Absolutely not," I replied,

"Not unless some of if it dribbled out of her arse."


.............................................
las vegas & wigan dont have much in common .

But they are the only two places on earth that you can pay for sex with chips.

 

[Cellarite]

I gave the wife an orgasm the other night. The ungrateful woman spat it out.

truthfully laughed out loud at this one whilst in work. Had to show it to some of the lads to explian why I burst out laughing.

Happy I could bring a brief ray of sunshine to your working day Sir.