Joke thread

[Big Swifty]

I've got a friend that keeps falling down manholes and hurting himself.

I said to him,

“You've got repetitive drain injury"

He was just going through the notions

 

[Nellies left peg]

My neighbour has just confronted me about items going missing from his washing line, I nearly shit his pants.

Isn't that her pants?

 

[yeseye]

Isn't that her pants?

Beggars can’t be choosers!

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[Blue Mist]

Beggars can’t be choosers!

They can in Manchester, I offered one a cheese sandwich, he refused it as it had onion on it.

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

 

[Bill Walker]

The world champion tongue twister has been arrested , The police believe he will get a tough sentence..

 

[balotellishaircut]

My missus has been having a go at me lately, saying I’ve become obsessed with becoming a detective and not spending time with her.

This morning she said “I think we should split up”

I said “good idea we’ll cover more ground that way “

 

[balotellishaircut]

I phoned the Samaritans and said “ im at the top of Beachy head and I’m about to toss myself off “

The woman on the other end of the line “what about the people below”

I said “don’t worry love, they’ll probably think it’s bird shit”

 

[balotellishaircut]

I had a run in with the Glasgow mafia

I accepted an offer I couldn’t understand