Joke thread

[blue44]

to the person who stole my glasses


i will find you
i have contacts

 

[blue44]

the early scientists worked out

the earth spun and watched.

after 24 hours they got bored

and called it a day.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Mid Wales blue]

I was in the pub with paddy, just before lockdown (Not to be confused with lock-in).
whilst we were enjoying a cold pint of Guinness, I looked over and noticed a group of workmen, with Arborist on the back of their jackets.
I said to paddy, see that group of workmen, they’re tree fellers.
Paddy looked over, then with a face like a bulldog chewing a thistle, turned back to me and said, feck you, you gobshite, I may look stupid but I can count!

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Someone's just 1.27 centimetred my joke about cockneys and the metric system.

 

[manclad]

Someone's just 1.27 centimetred my joke about cockneys and the metric system.

If you had used 12.7mm I would have got the joke a bit quicker!!!

 

[blue44]

I don't know about you

But I keep forgetting what amnesia means...

 

[kun]

My girlfriend left me due to my football manager addiction.

So I fined her 2 weeks wages put her on the transfer list.

It's a real shame, we've been together for 12 seasons.

In my defence, I have Stones, Dias, Walker and Zinchenko.