Joke thread

[jimharri]

Apparently, Elton John bought a custom made treadmill for his pet rabbit. Now, it's a little fit bunny.



"TAXI!!!!!!"

 

[Bill Walker]

Not that funny but thought it was clever

 

[Big Swifty]

When I was a kid we were so poor we would go to KFC and lick other peoples fingers

We were so poor we\had an outside toilet - then we finally managed to move into a house.

We couldn't afford a fire in winter, so my dad ate a Fisherman's Friend tablet and we sat round his tongue to keep warm.

My grandad had pneumonia and we couldn't afford treatment for him, so we smeared him in goose fat. He went downhill pretty quickly after that.

I was a sickly child so I was fed on supplements. I nearly choked on the Sunday |Times.

 

[manchester blue]

I'm sick of people moaning to me about the price of stuff nowadays. £5 a beer, £3 a coffee, £3 car parking. Anymore moaning and I swear I'm not inviting family round to ours anymore.

 

[Mazzarelli's Swiss Cheese]

Oh, of little faith... I stand by everything I have said previously. His next stop is City. 19/11/2014

With Messi coming in, we won't go after another forward. Sergio will get a new deal and Jesus will be also handed a new wedge to keep him sweet. Holding pattern for two years 20/10/2010

It's been a good day Blues, go to bed. Messi and his dad are men of their word, with each passing hour, they are closer to the end game and making good on it

2/9/2010

Sergio is going nowhere. He is getting a 12-month rolling option. He's every bit as integral to Messi arriving as Pep is. He's 32 FFS and played through pain for the last two years, he will come again. Same goes for Jesus, going absolutely nowhere. 21/11/2020

We won't need him because Sergio will be staying longer because of Messi. I'd say another two seasons after this one. 26/8/2010

Aguero WILL play with Messi in a club side one day - but it won't be at Barca. 9/7/2013

There's more to come. Expect to perm any one of Neymar and Messi tomorrow. Pogba is more than realistic. Oh, and well done to a certain Salford Paul many blue moon ago

1/2/2016

I had been told it is Messi and another striker this summer. 3/2/2021

announcement in Jan, revealing to the world he has signed a pre-contract agreement with us. 11/12/2020

I don't know the finer detail concerning the message Messi filmed to convey. I do know Messi will never play for Barcelona again and this is a very dark last chapter for a club he has done so much for. 30/8/2020

 

[dronefromsector7G]

 

[Big Swifty]

My family have always been unlucky.

My grandad was crossing the Atlantic by boat when he fell overboard. A passing ship picked him up - it was the Titanic.

My dad had a bad accident - he broke six legs. (He fell downstairs carrying the dog.)

My brother lost all his money in one night at the dog-track. He saw a dog was running with the same name as his wife, so he took it as an omen, put all his savings on it, but it came in last. I suppose it's his own fault for marrying a woman called Ballyregan Bob.

 

[BimboBob]

Oh, of little faith... I stand by everything I have said previously. His next stop is City. 19/11/2014

With Messi coming in, we won't go after another forward. Sergio will get a new deal and Jesus will be also handed a new wedge to keep him sweet. Holding pattern for two years 20/10/2010

It's been a good day Blues, go to bed. Messi and his dad are men of their word, with each passing hour, they are closer to the end game and making good on it

2/9/2010

Sergio is going nowhere. He is getting a 12-month rolling option. He's every bit as integral to Messi arriving as Pep is. He's 32 FFS and played through pain for the last two years, he will come again. Same goes for Jesus, going absolutely nowhere. 21/11/2020

We won't need him because Sergio will be staying longer because of Messi. I'd say another two seasons after this one. 26/8/2010

Aguero WILL play with Messi in a club side one day - but it won't be at Barca. 9/7/2013

There's more to come. Expect to perm any one of Neymar and Messi tomorrow. Pogba is more than realistic. Oh, and well done to a certain Salford Paul many blue moon ago

1/2/2016

I had been told it is Messi and another striker this summer. 3/2/2021

announcement in Jan, revealing to the world he has signed a pre-contract agreement with us. 11/12/2020

I don't know the finer detail concerning the message Messi filmed to convey. I do know Messi will never play for Barcelona again and this is a very dark last chapter for a club he has done so much for. 30/8/2020

Sounds like a load of codswallop from the transfer thread.

 

[Mazzarelli's Swiss Cheese]

Sounds like a load of codswallop from the transfer thread.

No cod were walloped by me!

 

[Blue Mist]

Sounds like a load of codswallop from the transfer thread.

No because some of them came true, ergh Jesus is still at the club and ergh well, oh fuck off