Joke thread

[Kinkythemagician]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,’ she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several
long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
‘Feels great,’ he replied; ‘but I still think my thumb's broken

 

[Bill Walker]

I once dated a lady police officer named Tina.

She was a Sergeant.

I stopped at her place one night, and in the morning she asked me if I wanted a cooked breakfast.

I said, "Don't fry for me Sergeant Tina"

 

[crazyg]

We were so poor we\had an outside toilet - then we finally managed to move into a house.

We couldn't afford a fire in winter, so my dad ate a Fisherman's Friend tablet and we sat round his tongue to keep warm.

My grandad had pneumonia and we couldn't afford treatment for him, so we smeared him in goose fat. He went downhill pretty quickly after that.

I was a sickly child so I was fed on supplements. I nearly choked on the Sunday |Times.

Milton Jones wants his jokes back.

 

[Blue Mist]

I once dated a lady police officer named Tina.

She was a Sergeant.

I stopped at her place one night, and in the morning she asked me if I wanted a cooked breakfast.

I said, "Don't fry for me Sergeant Tina"

And you dissed my Worze !!

 

[Big Swifty]

Milton Jones wants his jokes back.

I did them first

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

Can't believe I've got signed up by a reggae band playing the triangle.

They just want me to stand at the back and ting.

 

[Maccblue]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Indaparkside]

Guy in court, judge have you got anything to say before I sentence you , fuck all replied the defendant what did he say the judge asked his solicitor fuck all the solicitor replied that’s strange said the judge I’m sure I saw his lips move.