Joke thread

[dronefromsector7G]

Earlier tonight I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink… I'm in the hospital now, waiting to be seen

 

[oakiecokie]

Earlier tonight I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink… I'm in the hospital now, waiting to be seen

You`re not really here.

 

[Big Swifty]

A man is getting up to go to work. Suddenly he calls out to his wife "Hey - have you seen the state of my balls?"

She replies "What time have I got to look at your balls? I've got to get your breakfast, make your sandwiches to take to work, get the kids up, give them their breakfast, make their lunches to take to school, see them off to school, wash up, walk the dog - I've hardly got time to wipe my arse!"

He says "Yes, I know - have you seen the state of my balls?"

 

[bluebaja]

Bloke goes to his GP with his wife, complaining that she is oversexed and wants to be shagged all the time, and he just doesn't know what to do to satisfy her.
GP says, 'OK, just watch this' and he bends the wife over his desk and pulls her dress up, then starts shagging her. 10 minutes pass, then 20 and after half an hour she is a trembling wreck.
'Now' says the GP 'she needs that 3 times a week, ok?'
That's fine says the bloke, I can bring her Monday, Wednesday and Friday if that suits you....'

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

If you want to play a real life version of Pac-Man then go to DFS and try and avoid the salesman

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[sir baconface]

I’ve just finished my Critical Thinking and Conceptualisation course.

It was shite.

 

[dronefromsector7G]

When I was a kid we were so poor we would go to KFC and lick other peoples fingers

 

[mat]