billfromthehill
Well-Known Member
Lol good un
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Indaparkside
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 28 Dec 2015
- Messages
- 15,549
Just heard Andy Murray on the radio saying he is now completely pain free following his hip surgery.
Sounded like he was in fucking agony to me.
His voice pains me whinging fucker
LWashington
Well-Known Member
I understand UEFA are investigating why these jokes are so bad.
FFP - Fucking Funny Puns Regulations
jitsubluedan
Well-Known Member
I’ve been recommended the Adam Ant diet.
Don’t chew ever, don’t chew ever....
Don’t chew ever, don’t chew ever....
jimharri
Moderator
So I was on a bus the other day when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.
I turned around and saw an old lady. She said "would you like some nuts? I've got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you'd like."
"Sure.", I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.
A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts. I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.
After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.
I asked her, "Why don't you eat them yourself?"
"Because we've got no teeth", she replied.
"Then why do you buy them?", I asked.
"Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them."
I turned around and saw an old lady. She said "would you like some nuts? I've got a couple hazelnuts and almonds if you'd like."
"Sure.", I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.
A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts. I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.
After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.
I asked her, "Why don't you eat them yourself?"
"Because we've got no teeth", she replied.
"Then why do you buy them?", I asked.
"Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them."
Indaparkside
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 28 Dec 2015
- Messages
- 15,549
Guy walks in the butchers says pound of sausages please, it’s my birthday guess how old I am 60 said the shop keeper. No 70 replied the man paid then walked out.
He then walks in the fishmongers 2, salmon please said the man guess how old I am. 60 replied the shop assistant no 70 replied the man then he walks out.
Walks in the bakery 6 eclairs, 6, doughnuts 6, apple pies and 6, custards please. wow that’s a lot replied the shop assistant how come so much stuff, it’s my birthday he replied guess how old I am 60 replied the assistant no 70 he replied then walked out.
He struggled to the bus stop with his bags when he sees an old lady freezing here love have a cake, that’s very nice of you she replied. Yes it’s my birthday he said guess how old I am. She puts her cake down undoes his trousers sucks his cock and shoves her finger up his arse. Your 70 she said fuck me he said how do you know that. I was behind you in the fishmongers she replied.:)
He then walks in the fishmongers 2, salmon please said the man guess how old I am. 60 replied the shop assistant no 70 replied the man then he walks out.
Walks in the bakery 6 eclairs, 6, doughnuts 6, apple pies and 6, custards please. wow that’s a lot replied the shop assistant how come so much stuff, it’s my birthday he replied guess how old I am 60 replied the assistant no 70 he replied then walked out.
He struggled to the bus stop with his bags when he sees an old lady freezing here love have a cake, that’s very nice of you she replied. Yes it’s my birthday he said guess how old I am. She puts her cake down undoes his trousers sucks his cock and shoves her finger up his arse. Your 70 she said fuck me he said how do you know that. I was behind you in the fishmongers she replied.:)
jimharri
Moderator
How many members of the spelling police does it take to change a light bulb?
Won?
Too?
Free?
Fore?
Ate?
Nein?
Won?
Too?
Free?
Fore?
Ate?
Nein?
aguero93:20
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 21 Oct 2013
- Messages
- 90,256
- Location
- Hunting Cats.
- Team supported
- Some gobshites in day-glo green and black.
No, Sics.How many members of the spelling police does it take to change a light bulb?
Won?
Too?
Free?
Fore?
Ate?
Nein?
dickie davies
Well-Known Member
No, Sics.
or severn
dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
Apparently anyone who’s seen the new Madeleine documentary has spent more time watching her than her parents ever did.Put some chips in the oven, went to check on them 20 minutes later and they'd disappeared.
Last time I buy McCann's oven chips
Thought the parents would have remembered where they buried her by nowApparently anyone who’s seen the new Madeleine documentary has spent more time watching her than her parents ever did.
Uwe Already
Well-Known Member
I asked my friend, who is a home economics teacher, how long I should be able to keep a chicken in the freezer for.
She said about 3 months, that’s odd I replied, I put one in my freezer last night and it was dead this morning...
She said about 3 months, that’s odd I replied, I put one in my freezer last night and it was dead this morning...
A doctor walks into a maternity ward and says to a mother “Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”
Mother. “I’ll have the bad news first.”
Doctor. “Your babies got ginger hair”
Mother. “Oh no, what’s the good news”
Doctor. “It’s dead.”
Mother. “I’ll have the bad news first.”
Doctor. “Your babies got ginger hair”
Mother. “Oh no, what’s the good news”
Doctor. “It’s dead.”
jimharri
Moderator
What noise does a 747 makes when it bounces? Boeing boeing boeing.
Thank you, thank you. I am indeed here all week.
Thank you, thank you. I am indeed here all week.
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
Injury lawyers for you are shit,when our neighbours 15 year old daughter cut herself climbing our fence,they told me to send a photo of her gash, guess who’s in court tomorrow.
A scouser?
maccieblue
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 12 Dec 2008
- Messages
- 1,630
A Chelsea fan?A scouser?