Joke thread

I'm in a really screwed up mood at the moment, I'm seeing things.

I looked out the window and thought that I'd seen a flying German sausage. Turned out it was a bird.

I told the doctor I'd taken a tern for the wurst.
 
Police have discovered a book of 20 other women Oscar Pitorious had planned to assasinate. They've called it 'Shinless List.'
When the murder happend the police were said to be looking for a sawn off man with a shotgun!
 
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper of 20 years, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million. Guido is deaf which is why he got the job in the first place. The Godfather assumed that since Guido could not hear anything, he could never testify in court.



When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his personal lawyer because he knows sign language.


The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"


The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"


Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."



The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."


The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again to tell me where the money is or I'll kill him!"


The lawyer signs to Guido, "He says he will kill you if you don't tell him."



Guido trembles and signs back, "OK, OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."


The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"


The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
 
Markt85 said:
Having watched the Barcelona vs Man City game, i've noted that I believe Man City are very similar to Oscar Pistorious.

They lost both legs but still managed four shots on target
Click to expand...

Having watched both of this years Derby's , i've noted that Man UTD are very similar to Oscar Pistorious.
They lost both legs and only managed four shots on target
 
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