Joke thread

[Hayley Croppers chopper]

Putin goes to a swanky party, host asks him if he would like a small port before dinner.
Yes, he says, I'll take Sevastopol, thanks.

This forum needs this quality of joke more often

 

[LWashington]

Got it in the end..

You did well, I thought it was a serious question and not a trick/joke . I was trying to convince myself that Suzi Quatro was English, as she was the only female solo artist I could think of, who had a number one around that time. ( It was in the pub many years back when he asked me so I had no access to internet) .

 

[kippax4ever]

You did well, I thought it was a serious question and not a trick/joke . I was trying to convince myself that Suzi Quatro was English, as she was the only female solo artist I could think of, who had a number one around that time. ( It was in the pub many years back when he asked me so I had no access to internet) .

Took me 3times reading it,then it clicked.mate,
Must be my simple heart..

 

[mikemcfc]

My mate David has lost his ID

now we just call him Dav

i still haven't gotten any likes for this joke 1037 posts ago!

 

[Indaparkside]

Just bought some shoes of a drug dealer
Don’t know what he laced them with
But I’ve been tripping all day

 

[KS55]

Got it in the end..

I googled her!

 

[kippax4ever]

I googled her!

Haha,

 

[dronefromsector7G]

Today is National Bad Owl Joke Day.

2/8/20

 

[jimharri]

A M*******y fan gets washed up on a desert island. For months his only company was a dog and a pig. Being isolated, every now and again he would get the "urge" and attempt to fuck the pig, but every time he tried, the dog would bite him on the ankle.

Anyway, one day he couldn't believe his luck as a beautiful blonde woman got stranded on the island too. She had almost drowned trying to get ashore, but he swam out to rescue her and gave her the kiss of life. "Oh you saved my life" she says. "As a token of my appreciation, I will do ANYTHING you want me to do".

"Great" says your man, "can you bring that fucking dog for a walk"

 

[Wanderingwolf]

I went to the local Pets At Home shop to buy some breeding birds.

The cashier said, "Have you got a store card?"

"No" I replied "but I have been shown how to get budgies excited"

 

[blue b4 the moon]

I went to the local Pets At Home shop to buy some breeding birds.

The cashier said, "Have you got a store card?"

"No" I replied "but I have been shown how to get budgies excited"

Struggling with this one, does the Cashier line only work with a Black Country accent?

 

[topper]

Struggling with this one, does the Cashier line only work with a Black Country accent?

Think of the Four candles two Ronnies sketch and you will get it, and Wanderingwolf should get a ban. ; )

 

[Wanderingwolf]

Struggling with this one, does the Cashier line only work with a Black Country accent?

Stork hard - store card - it's a poor joke

 

[snorky]

Stork hard - store card - it's a poor joke

Well I liked it, but would have preferred "I have wanked a budgie off" as the punchline.


I used to know a rag who had a job masturbating turkeys for Sun Valley Poultry in Hereford years ago.

He got fired for drinking on the job.

 

[RadcliffeRick]

Well I liked it, but would have preferred "I have wanked a budgie off" as the punchline.


I used to know a rag who had a job masturbating turkeys for Sun Valley Poultry in Hereford years ago.

He got fired for drinking on the job.

Drinking turkey spunk?? That's fowl!

 

[blue b4 the moon]

Stork hard - store card - it's a poor joke

That's what I thought it was but wasn't too sure. ;)

 

[goalmole]

Stork hard - store card - it's a poor joke

Don't worry, it's in good company.

 

[jimharri]

Stork hard - store card - it's a poor joke

One for @Blue Mist to run the rule over, methinks.

 

[Blue_eyes]

I went to the local Pets At Home shop to buy some breeding birds.

The cashier said, "Have you got a store card?"

"No" I replied "but I have been shown how to get budgies excited"

This made me smile......not the joke necessarily,or even an opposing teams fan trying to engratiate himself here by using (ahem) humour, no,it was the thought of the imminent three page dissection/dismissal of its content by bluemoons resident panel of "joke/humour experts"......they didnt let me down.

 

[Sir peace frog]

Well I liked it, but would have preferred "I have wanked a budgie off" as the punchline.


I used to know a rag who had a job masturbating turkeys for Sun Valley Poultry in Hereford years ago.

He got fired for drinking on the job.

ahem

for giving it a GOBBLE (: