Joke thread

[knuckles]

 

[Blue tube]

Monty Python version was:
Mary had a little lamb
And it was always gruntin’
She tied it to a five bar gate
And kicked it’s fuckin’ **** in.

One that I remember from about 20 years ago

Mary had a little lamb
It’s wool was white and whispy
Then it caught the foot and mouth
So now it’s black and crispy

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

And one for any dance fans out there.

 

[Dogtanian]

One way or another, I'm really going to have to stop quoting Blondie lyrics!

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[Dogtanian]

I went to the doctors and asked what was the best exercise to lose weight.

The doctor said, "Just shake your head."

I asked him, "How often?"

He said, "Whenever someone offers you some food you fat ****!"

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

I met a crossdresser from the Manchester area today.

He had a Wigan address.

 

[Uwe Already]

Guy goes into a bar and asks for two double rums, which he proceeds to down one after the other.
“Same again“ he says and drinks them as well
“Wow” says the barman “what’s that all about?”
“Just had my first blow job” came the reply
”ah, in that case let me get you a drink on the house!”
To which the guy says “nah, you’re alright - if that didn’t get rid of the taste, another won’t help”

 

[Uwe Already]

I met a crossdresser from the Manchester area today.

He had a Wigan address.

I shared a cell with an Indian transvestite, my own fault as I asked for a room with a coloured TV (too Bernard Manning?)

 

[knuckles]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[Dogtanian]

Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.

It’s a vicious cycle.