Bill Walker
Well-Known Member
My wife said she could here 60s music coming from under the house
I said it's OK its The Foundation's
I said it's OK its The Foundation's
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Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
foetus
Well-Known Member
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
When Aids first came to prominence there was this joke:
What have Rock Hudson and Henry Cooper got in common?
They’ve both been battered around the ring
I told the joke to my colleagues at work and one of the younger girls replied with:
“I didn't know Henry Cooper was gay”
That got a bigger laugh than the joke
What have Rock Hudson and Henry Cooper got in common?
They’ve both been battered around the ring
I told the joke to my colleagues at work and one of the younger girls replied with:
“I didn't know Henry Cooper was gay”
That got a bigger laugh than the joke
Sure it wasn't the concrete and the clay?My wife said she could here 60s music coming from under the house
I said it's OK its The Foundation's
Bill Walker
Well-Known Member
HahahaSure it wasn't the concrete and the clay?
Presumably he lived at Unit 4 plus 2.Sure it wasn't the concrete and the clay?
House of the rising sun behind the green door.Presumably he lived at Unit 4 plus 2.
MelbourneBlue
Well-Known Member
Her: What do you do
Him: I race cars.
Her: Do you win many races?
Him: No, the cars are much faster.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor. More on this after the break.
I was watching a documentary about a girl who got breast implants made of wood. I thought to myself, “that would hurt, wooden tit”?
On Monday we start Diarrhoea Awareness Week. Runs until Friday.
The other day I saw a bucket at the hardware store with a sign that said: dead batteries - £1 each. I thought to myself: “These should be free of charge.”
My mate David had his ID stolen... I now call him Dav
When I was at the London Olympics I saw a guy walking along with a long pole over his shoulder. I said to him “Are you a pole vaulter?” He replied “Nein, I am German. But how did you know my name is Walter?”
All my life I've wanted to learn how to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I've just started up a dating site for chickens. It's not my normal day job, I'm just doing it… To make hens meet.
I bought a new sat nav and uploaded the fat boy slim edition. But it just goes "turn right here, right now, right here, right now.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were against me.
Have you all heard about the monk who claimed to see the face of jesus in a tub of margarine? He said: “I can’t believe it’s not Buddha.”
The other day, my friend told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
I was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. She asked how warm is it inside? I said Lukewarm.
Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me. I’m fine - I only suffered super fish oil injuries.
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating... Or just mething around?
Him: I race cars.
Her: Do you win many races?
Him: No, the cars are much faster.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor. More on this after the break.
I was watching a documentary about a girl who got breast implants made of wood. I thought to myself, “that would hurt, wooden tit”?
On Monday we start Diarrhoea Awareness Week. Runs until Friday.
The other day I saw a bucket at the hardware store with a sign that said: dead batteries - £1 each. I thought to myself: “These should be free of charge.”
My mate David had his ID stolen... I now call him Dav
When I was at the London Olympics I saw a guy walking along with a long pole over his shoulder. I said to him “Are you a pole vaulter?” He replied “Nein, I am German. But how did you know my name is Walter?”
All my life I've wanted to learn how to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I've just started up a dating site for chickens. It's not my normal day job, I'm just doing it… To make hens meet.
I bought a new sat nav and uploaded the fat boy slim edition. But it just goes "turn right here, right now, right here, right now.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were against me.
Have you all heard about the monk who claimed to see the face of jesus in a tub of margarine? He said: “I can’t believe it’s not Buddha.”
The other day, my friend told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
I was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. She asked how warm is it inside? I said Lukewarm.
Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me. I’m fine - I only suffered super fish oil injuries.
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating... Or just mething around?
Fiftyyearsandcounting
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 25 Oct 2009
- Messages
- 2,099
A woman runs into a police station "I've just been graped"
The desk sergeant says "You mean raped""
"No, graped, there was a bunch of them"
The desk sergeant says "You mean raped""
"No, graped, there was a bunch of them"
roman totale
Well-Known Member
A woman runs into a police station "I've just been graped"
The desk sergeant says "You mean raped""
"No, graped, there was a bunch of them"
I distinctly remember this joke being told on The Comedians during prime time Saturday night family TV in the late 70s. I found it distasteful then too.