Joke thread

[Dogtanian]

I was sat on the end of the bed, pulling my boxers off and the wife said, "You don't half spoil them dogs!"

 

[crazyg]

I was sat on the end of the bed, pulling my boxers off and the wife said, "You don't half spoil them dogs!"

What you do in your private life, Roy, is up to you.

 

[mrcunny]

What you do in your private life, Roy, is up to you.

Sounds like its not all that private..

 

[bonespost]

 

[mat]

 

[J.G.Blue.]

I took my old hard of hearing nan to the doctors the other day for a full medical,
After about 10 minutes she came storming out shouting at the doctor for being a dirty pervert,
I went in to see the doctor & ask what was going on,
it seems he had just told my nan she had acute angina............

 

[Dogtanian]

When I was a kid I used to love building sandcastles with my nan...

Then Mum would make me put her back in the urn!

 

[dronefromsector7G]

The World Double Entendre Championships start next week… Thinking of entering the wife!

 

[Tuearts right boot]

The World Double Entendre Championships start next week… Thinking of entering the wife!

Why bother, she'll come second.

 

[Stuuuuuu]

I hear that there's a nudist convention taking place next week. I might go along if I've got nothing on.

 

[Mozzer]

I hear that there's a nudist convention taking place next week. I might go along if I've got nothing on.

We had a 14 night holiday at a nudist camp, the first week was the hardest.

 

[balotellishaircut]

Chatting to a girl at a party, I asked her “what do your friends call you? “

“ Vivaldi “ she replied

“Ahh I see, bit of a violin player then ? “

She said “ Naah my names Viv and I work at Aldi “

 

[balotellishaircut]

Iv just bought a house with old period features.

She f**king hates it when I call her that.

 

[Big Swifty]

The World Double Entendre Championships start next week… Thinking of entering the wife!

The missus asked me for an entry form for these Championships, so I gave her one...

 

[JASR]

The missus asked me for an entry form for these Championships, so I gave her one...

She’ll be disqualified mate, I’ve already given her one

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[Dogtanian]

I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car yesterday.

I said, "Do you need any help with that plasma mate?"

He looked at me very angrily and said, "Fuck off you prick, it's a Kindle!"

 

[LWashington]

I noticed a small green plant growing in my neighbour's ornamental pond.
I said to the little boy who lives there, "There's something different in your pond, Do you know what it is" ?
He walked up to the pond, pointed and said "My mum's pistia".
I shouted "Well I've done that many a time and once I took a shit there too."