Joke thread

[J.G.Blue.]

One of my friends gifted me a Jürgen Klopp bobblehead. I looked at it a bit askance at first but it does look good in the middle of the table.

Big Congratulations on using the word "Askance" on a football forum & getting away with it :-)

 

[Blue Mist]

Big Congratulations on using the word "Askance" on a football forum & getting away with it :-)

I want to know who ance was and what was her reply.

 

[Dogtanian]

I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

 

[fanatic1]

A city gent in pinstripe suit, bowler hat and rolled umbrella is walking along the embankment on the Thames on a beautiful spring day. Suddenly from out of the shadows steps a pretty young girl with blonde curls and ragged clothes. She appeals "Please mister can you spare £50 for a rock of crack cocaine?"

He is appalled and hissed "How old are you little girl and how long have you been a drug addict?"
She replies "Eight years old sir and it's been two years now. I had to go on the game sir as I was raped and lost my innocence and had to support my pimp."

He cries "My God - who raped you little girl?"

She responds "I'm not really quite sure sir. I was fucking pissed as arseholes at the time."

 

[Cellarite]

A city gent in pinstripe suit, bowler hat and rolled umbrella is walking along the embankment on the Thames on a beautiful spring day. Suddenly from out of the shadows steps a pretty young girl with blonde curls and ragged clothes. She appeals "Please mister can you spare £50 for a rock of crack cocaine?"

He is appalled and hissed "How old are you little girl and how long have you been a drug addict?"
She replies "Eight years old sir and it's been two years now. I had to go on the game sir as I was raped and lost my innocence and had to support my pimp."

He cries Goats and monkeys - who raped you little girl?"

She responds "I'm not really sure sir. I was pissed as arseholes at the time."

How did the goats and monkeys get involved again?

 

[bladdered]

 

[LWashington]

I want to know who ance was and what was her reply.

No idea, but it's rumoured she saving the last one for you.

 

[mat]

 

[Stuuuuuu]

A city gent in pinstripe suit, bowler hat and rolled umbrella is walking along the embankment on the Thames on a beautiful spring day. Suddenly from out of the shadows steps a pretty young girl with blonde curls and ragged clothes. She appeals "Please mister can you spare £50 for a rock of crack cocaine?"

He is appalled and hissed "How old are you little girl and how long have you been a drug addict?"
She replies "Eight years old sir and it's been two years now. I had to go on the game sir as I was raped and lost my innocence and had to support my pimp."

He cries "My God - who raped you little girl?"

She responds "I'm not really quite sure sir. I was fucking pissed as arseholes at the time."

So where had she left her bike?

 

[lefty goldblatt]

View attachment 59675

I hate Hallowe'en

Just been frightened to death, by three little bastards in Gloria Gaynor masks.....


At first, I was afraid.......I was petrified

 

[dronefromsector7G]

 

[chris63]

My daughter thought men with big feet had big dicks.
Should have seen some of the clown's she brought home.

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[bluebc]

 

[blue44]

 

[blue44]