Joke thread

[blue44]

 

[blue44]

 

[kippaxneil]

I'm sure my neighbour has gone senile. He keeps knocking on his own front door and then goes in round the back to answer his own knocks.
I don't think he realises what he's letting himself in for.

 

[Crouchinho]

View attachment 92154

Seriously how did this happen to all of us up and down the coubtry? Every PE teacher I had looked like a butch of some kind with a face like a slapped arse. I think we only had one corker in all the years at school I don't think she lasted 2 months

 

[JRockBlues]

I don’t understand how a funeral directors can raise its prices and blame it on the cost of living.

 

[kippaxneil]

Bilbo Baggins of the shire died in bed last night after an overdose of viagra. I guess old Hobbits die hard.

 

[fanatic1]

Bilbo Baggins of the shire died in bed last night after an overdose of viagra. I guess old Hobbits die hard.

Reminds me of the time that Paul Kaye (Aka Dennis Pennis) doorstepped actress Demi Moore at a premiere and asking about salacious rumours that she'd had poor breast enlargement surgery - "How do you handle them knockers Demi?)"
Also he informed Demi that Errol Flynn died with a massive erection. And carried on "Do you think that your husband Bruce Willis at the proper time will DIe Hard 2?"

 

[JASR]

Reminds me of the time that Paul Kaye (Aka Dennis Pennis) doorstepped actress Demi Moore at a premiere and asking about salacious rumours that she'd had poor breast enlargement surgery - "How do you handle them knockers Demi?)"
Also he informed Demi that Errol Flynn died with a massive erection. And carried on "Do you think that your husband Bruce Willis at the proper time will DIe Hard too?"

It was amazing that he was never knocked out for what he said.
They started banning him, as he clearly didn’t show deferential respect to celebs, and they couldn’t take it.

 

[horlock_was_super]

Reminds me of the time that Paul Kaye (Aka Dennis Pennis) doorstepped actress Demi Moore at a premiere and asking about salacious rumours that she'd had poor breast enlargement surgery - "How do you handle them knockers Demi?)"
Also he informed Demi that Errol Flynn died with a massive erection. And carried on "Do you think that your husband Bruce Willis at the proper time will DIe Hard too?"

Steve Martin really doesn't like this post!

 

[bluemanchester]

Maybe a remake

 

[Xhavenjoe]

Reminds me of the time that Paul Kaye (Aka Dennis Pennis) doorstepped actress Demi Moore at a premiere and asking about salacious rumours that she'd had poor breast enlargement surgery - "How do you handle them knockers Demi?)"

Just watching a repeat of Vera and he is the pathologist in it

 

[bluebc]

 

[bluebc]

 

[r.soleofsalford]

View attachment 92667

Look at Keane.

Ya big baby

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

Edward Deidde, the man who spent his entire life explaining that his surname was "deed" has collapsed.

He was airlifted to hospital where he was pronounced dead

 

[havefaith]

 

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

According to statisticians, the average human being has one breast and one testicle.

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity...cannot put it down.

A photon checks in to a hotel. Receptionist "Any luggage". "No, I'm travelling light.

 

[sir baconface]

According to statisticians, the average human being has one breast and one testicle.

Not sure that’s still the case these days. Judging by the adverts on telly I’d guess that‘s gone up 25%.

 

[Fred_Quimby]

A knock on my door yesterday, opened to find a guy who said he was from the Mormons.
I said are you the guys who have lots of wives . He said
”We are”
I said “you aught to be bloody well hung”
His reply
”We are”

 

[Indaparkside]

A man walked into a pet shop he said 12 bees please the assistant counted 13 and gave them to him, I asked for 12 he said oh don’t worry replied the assistant it’s a free bee