joke thread....


Well-Known Member
20 Apr 2011
blind man went to a restaurant."Menu, sir?" Asked the owner. "I'm blind. Just bring me one of your dirty forks. I will smell it & order." The confused owner got a fork. The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath. "Yes, I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables" "Unbelievable!" thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. 2 weeks later, the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to see how good his sense of smell was, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking. He said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your pussy!",which she does. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it, puts it to his nose and says, "Oh interesting, I never knew Brenda worked here."

Viking blue

Well-Known Member
26 Feb 2020
Team supported
Manchester City
Some horrible yobs wearing United shirts were kicking a hedgehog around just outside my house.

I rushed out to stop the cruelty when I realised the hedgehog was 3-1 up...

What’s the difference between a hedgehog and old Trafford? The pricks are on the outside of the hedgehog.

Bill Walker

Well-Known Member
24 Dec 2006
Down under
I did my first day at my new job as a Store Detective yesterday.

My nerves got the better of me at first.

I was all over the shop


Well-Known Member
25 Oct 2009
One for the oldies...
In heaven, a guy complains to St Peter that he's bored, "Find me a job that will take a long time"
St Peter, "God's doing a stock check, go to Blackpool and count the pebbles on the beach"
The chap returns 300 years later, "Job done, anything longer needs doing?"
St.P. "Go back to Blackpool and now count the grains of sand"
Chappie returns 600 years later, "I need a job that will take a really, really long time".
St.Peter has a word with the boss, "God says go to Old Trafford and wait for George Best to turn up for training".

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