Joke thread

There were two helpful young people in tabards underneath a small canopy marked 'Away Supporter Information' outside the West Ham Stadium yesterday.

I asked them what the capital city of Venezuela was. Neither of them had a clue. Fucking useless.
Caracas
 
Marcus Trashford dies and goes to heaven, he's trying to persuade St Peter to let him him. "What have you done to deserve entry" he's asked.
"I fed fish fingers to hundreds of kids".
"Anything else?". "I gave £10,000 to a local charity"
"Anything else?". I played football for Manchester United"
St Peter goes off to consult with god.
When he returns Trashford asks "What did god say".
"He said give him back his money and tell him to piss off".
 
I loved the quote from Phil Lynnott on the Live and Dangerous album when he’s addressing the crowd.
Any of you out there got some Irish in you….. Big cheer.
Any of you girls like a little more Irish in you……. Louder cheer.
I bought that album as a 14 year old in 1979,its still ace now,I remember one of the photos in the LP sleeve had a rag scarf that had been thrown on stage for him though,he was a rag wasn't he ?
His mum ran a pub in Manchester i think. Johny the fox was about the Manc underworld,jimmy the weed etc part of the quality street gang.
 
I bought that album as a 14 year old in 1979,its still ace now,I remember one of the photos in the LP sleeve had a rag scarf that had been thrown on stage for him though,he was a rag wasn't he ?
His mum ran a pub in Manchester i think. Johny the fox was about the Manc underworld,jimmy the weed etc part of the quality street gang.
Pub/commercial hotel in Whalley Range, iirc.
 

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