Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
Bill Walker
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Bill Walker
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dronefromsector7G
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I see the night time Lavinda Past is here
mexico1970
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What's the difference between Woody out of Toy Story and a priest?
Woody goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Woody goes limp when a child walks in the room.
blue44
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Me neither. Prayed for ‘capo/caput’ which means head but got Capra which means goat???
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Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A drunk stumbling through the woods comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He walks out into the water and bumps into the preacher.
Almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, the preacher asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”
The drunk answers, “Yes, I am.” So, the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water, pulls him up and asks, “Brother, have you found Jesus?”
The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.” The preacher, shocked at his answer, dunks him again, a little longer this time. Pulling him out of the water again, he asks, “Now, have you found Jesus, my brother?”
The drunk again answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”
By this time the preacher, at his wits end, dunks him again – this time holding him down until he begins kicking his arms and legs. Then he pulls him up. The preacher again asks, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”
After first wiping his eyes and catching his breath, the drunk asks the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
Almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, the preacher asks the drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”
The drunk answers, “Yes, I am.” So, the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water, pulls him up and asks, “Brother, have you found Jesus?”
The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.” The preacher, shocked at his answer, dunks him again, a little longer this time. Pulling him out of the water again, he asks, “Now, have you found Jesus, my brother?”
The drunk again answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”
By this time the preacher, at his wits end, dunks him again – this time holding him down until he begins kicking his arms and legs. Then he pulls him up. The preacher again asks, “For the love of God, have you found Jesus?”
After first wiping his eyes and catching his breath, the drunk asks the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
Name?
Linda De Sousa Abreu
Occupation?
Screw in Wandsworth Prison
I said occupation, not favourite pastime!
Linda De Sousa Abreu
Occupation?
Screw in Wandsworth Prison
I said occupation, not favourite pastime!
sir baconface
Well-Known Member
Indeed. Although I did hear back in the day of a pair named Mild and Bitter.
LWashington
Well-Known Member
About 30 years ago my mate's wife got offered 2 boxer pups, one male and one female. He wasn't a big dog fan but agreed as long as he could name them. He called them Muff and Shaft.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
We've been trying for children for the past ten years without success. Finally, out of pure frustration, my wife suggested that we might try IVF.
Personally, I don't see how buying some uniforms and guns and moving to Israel is going to help at all.
Personally, I don't see how buying some uniforms and guns and moving to Israel is going to help at all.
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My mate's wife is insisting he quits his job, because she thinks it's cruel that his company has started testing their new products on rabbits.
She's got a point, I suppose...
He works in a hammer factory.
She's got a point, I suppose...
He works in a hammer factory.
dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
This one deserves minus likes
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
My wife claims I try to make everything into a quiz.
Is that:
a) weird
b) annoying
c) unfair
Is that:
a) weird
b) annoying
c) unfair
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
A bloke is shopping in Sainsburys and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says, "hello!"
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."
His mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "Bloody hell, are you the stripper from my stag party that I shagged on the pool table with all my mates watching while your partner whipped my arse with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
She says, "hello!"
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."
His mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "Bloody hell, are you the stripper from my stag party that I shagged on the pool table with all my mates watching while your partner whipped my arse with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
Lavinda Past
Well-Known Member
bluethrunthru
Well-Known Member
Bill Walker
Well-Known Member
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, 'Wow, in all my years of tending bar, I've never had a weasel stop by....... What can I get you"?
'''Pop'' goes the weasel!!
'''Pop'' goes the weasel!!
