Joke thread

[jimharri]

Broadsword calling Danny Boy

Don't be such a second rate punk.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Paddy and Murphy were sat in the church.

There was a bell ringing lady who was new to the job.

She forgot to let go of the rope as the bell started to swing and her skirt fell to the wind as it draged her towards the sky.

The preacher said “Anyone who looks up will be blinded by God!

Paddy said to Murphy, “I think I'll risk one eye…”

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[mexico1970]

 

[Lavinda Past]

Iran?
Wear the fox hat.

Persia, you old bugger

:-)

 

[tosh1]

Juneau, you’re wrong.

Anchorage is the largest city, but not the capital

I'm still trying to work out if this is very clever or very stupid. Its the comma that's throwing me.

 

[Vienna_70]

I'm still trying to work out if this is very clever or very stupid. It’s the comma that's throwing me.

I take it you mean the first comma.

Juneau = do you know?

 

[Vienna_70]

What did the pony say, when it coughed?

"Excuse me, I’m a little horse."

 

[bennyboy]

View attachment 125345

 

[Longballutd]

 

[Dave Ewing's Back 'eader]

They stunned me, too, I didn't think Scotland could score two goals in one game!

 

[RadcliffeRick]

They stunned me, too, I didn't think Scotland could score two goals in one year!

 

[Lavinda Past]

They stunned me, too, even Scotland didn't think Scotland could score two goals in one year!

 

[Lavinda Past]

Two blokes were looking at new cars. One pointed at a particular car and said, “There’s the one I’d get.”

And a cyclops came out and hit him.

 

[LWashington]

Two blokes were looking at new cars. One pointed at a particular car and said, “There’s the one I’d get.”

And a cyclops came out and hit him.

That was a giant mistake. However, they couldn't have been titan cash. So it ogres well for the future.

 

[hammocity]

A convicts' first day in prison....

His cellmate says do you want to be the husband or the wife?

The convict says “what?!”

The cellmate says again do you want to be the husband or the wife?

The convict says I’ll be the husband

So the cellmate says then get over here and suck your wifes dick

Works better:

"Do you want to be Mummy or Daddy?"

"I'll be Daddy"

"Get over here and suck Mummy's cock".

 

[hammocity]

Iran?
Wear the fox hat.

Only the FOC's will remember that! :-)

 

[Lavinda Past]

My doctor told me, "Your patella measures 2.54 cm."

I said, "Inch-high knees?"

My doctor replied, "您的髌骨长 2.54 厘米."

 

[LWashington]

My doctor told me, "Your patella measures 2.54 cm."

I said, "Inch-high knees?"

My doctor replied, "您的髌骨长 2.54 厘米."

The patient replied, "我把自行車留在外面沒關係"

 

[Hertzblue]