Joke thread

[Stuuuuuu]

Not really a gag but not worth a thread of its own.

Is anyone married to a barista and if so do they wipe your tool with a J cloth after?

Yes, but only after checking on their bike (parked at the exterior) first.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Our local book shop has got a great '1/3 off' sale on all books

I've just bought 'The Lion and The Witch'

 

[blue44]

 

[Lavinda Past]

A girl sneezed in the pub & her glass eye flew out and landed in my hand.

I took it back to her and we got chatting. After a few beers I took her home and shagged her.

When we'd finished I asked her, "Do you shag everyone on a first date?"

She said, "No. Only those who catch my eye!"

 

[horlock_was_super]

A bird was sleeping in his nest at the top of a pine tree. Suddenly, there was a lot of noise and the whole tree started to shake.

He looked down and saw there was an elephant climbing the tree.

The bird said: "Hey! What are doing?!!? Why are you making so much racket???"

The elephant said: " I just want to climb up there and eat some pears!"

The bird said: "there are no pehereup here, you stupid elephant, this is a pine tree"


The elephant said: "it's OK I brought my own pears"

No no no no no no no no no no I am not going to even smile inwardly at that joke I mean it I am not.

 

[hammocity]

The classic was...." Can you fill this sample jar ?"
"What, from here ??"

Porridge!

 

[hammocity]

What about Alaska...

Took the Mrs to Wales to Bangor

Took the Mrs to the Southern Hemisphere to Tonga

 

[Hertzblue]

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

Then there was the architect who had his house maid backwards so he could watch the telly

 

[oakiecokie]

The classic was...." Can you fill this sample jar ?"
"What, from here ??"

Ah the very first sketch of Porridge, with Ronnie Barker making that comment during his medical.
But the one that cracked me up was his continued arguments at having bad feet to get light duties.
The GP finally asking him had he ever been a practising homosexual, with Ronnie retorting "what with these feet".
Classic Barker !!

 

[RadcliffeRick]

View attachment 127481

Wayne!! Wayne!!! Over here!!

 

[Kippax77]

Wayne!! Wayne!!! Over here!!

My middle name is Wayne if this helps.


what's her number?

 

[Lavinda Past]

Then there was the architect who had his house maid backwards so he could watch the telly

One of my favourite jokes that one!

 

[RadcliffeRick]

My middle name is Wayne if this helps.


what's her number?

Bispam 1572

 

[Lavinda Past]

My middle name is Wayne if this helps.


what's her number?

69... bring a toothbrush.

 

[Lavinda Past]

No no no no no no no no no no I am not going to even smile inwardly at that joke I mean it I am not.

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[RadcliffeRick]

View attachment 127490

That's rush hour for @idahoblues !

 

[forlorn hope]

 

[bladdered]