Joke thread

Lavinda Past said:
Chris Brown was arrested for physically assaulting his then-girlfriend, Rihanna. The incident occurred the night before the 2009 Grammy Awards, and left Rihanna with visible injuries, including a split lip and bruises on her face.
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Oh yes, I didn't know of that fella.
I thought it might be that other Brown who was married to Whitney Houston.
 
So Erich ten Haag goes into a bank to cash a rather large cheque. He goes to the counter and says, I'd like to cash a cheque please, The cahier smiles at him and says certainly sir but I do need some ID. He looks quizzically at her and says "but I'm Eric ten Haag the Manchester United manager, ask anyone, everyone knows that, so please will you cash my cheque? The cashier apologises and says "I'm sorry sir, Bank policy dictates we must have some form of ID when customers want large cheques cashed. So tenHaag looking all forlorn says "but I don't have any ID on me.

The cashier thinks for a moment and says. "okay, so a couple of years ago we had Tiger woods in and he had no ID so he pulled out his putter and rolled a ball into a cup 50 feet away with huge precision and accuracy such that the ball stopped rolling just as it crossed the lip of the cup, so we cashed his cheque.

Then on another occasion Novak Djokavic came in and he too wanted a cheque cashed and he had no ID either so he pulled out a tennis racquet and served a spinner back haned, the ball went down the hall. spun back and landed at the feet of the manage. Again we recognised his strength and talent and cashed his cheque. The cashier then said what is unique about you that will demonstrate to the Bank who you are? Well, ten Haag just went pale and started sweating and blubbering...I have no ID, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I haven't a clue, I cannot think of a practical solution.... "STOP, STOP STOP" yells the cashier "Okay, okay, how would you like the cash Mr ten Haag.
 
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.
I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness From God and this Christian Family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven, and, in your heart, you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again, all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed, and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
 
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