Joke thread

[Hertzblue]

Coming soon ..

 

[Lavinda Past]

The New Oral Ecstasy Powder is released today in Yorkshire.

E By Gum

 

[Lavinda Past]

The restaurant menu included an item called ladas...

I asked the waiter "what's LADAS ?"

He said. "Mixed salad"

 

[Hertzblue]

 

[Blue Mist]

I remember my first nine dates, when I started to see the present Mrs Goldblatt

It was eight meals out, and a trip to the cinema to see a superhero film.

So that's

Dinner
Dinner
Dinner
Dinner
Dinner
Dinner
Dinner
Dinner
Batman

Or how does Batman's mum get him in for a meal ?

Batman
Dinner dinner dinner.
Blue Mist aged 8 and three quarters.

 

[horlock_was_super]

Was it worth the effort?

I don’t honestly know!

 

[horlock_was_super]

Or how does Batman's mum get him in for a meal ?

Batman
Dinner dinner dinner.
Blue Mist aged 8 and three quarters.

Where does the Pink Panther live?
Durham, Durham, Durham, Durham, Durham….

Little Super Horlock about the same age.

 

[Casey69]

Teacher in class asks the kids to tell a story with a moral to it …
Jenny please miss my mummy thought she had won the lottery and bought stuff she couldn’t afford ! she hadn’t so she had to send them back the moral being don’t count your chickens before they’ve hatched!
Sammy please miss my dad took a shortcut from the pub! Jumped over a wall and broke his leg ! Moral look before you leap!
Then scruffy jimmy pipes up from the back… please miss during the war my grandad and his mates were pinned down by a German machine gun! My grandad drank a bottle of whisky then ran up the hill and killed all the Germans … and what’s the moral to that story jimmy the teacher asked?
Don’t fuck about with my grandad when he’s had a drink!

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Lavinda Past]

My son's school recently implemented a total ban on smartphones, to encourage pupils to learn social skills the old-fashioned way.

It seems to be working a treat.

Only yesterday him and his mates groped some first-year girls, and flushed a fat lad's head down the toilet.

 

[Lavinda Past]

When I was a kid, my dad made me walk the plank....

We couldn't afford a dog

 

[Lavinda Past]

Our window cleaner died. He was a very popular bloke, and some of the locals held a seance to try to contact him

They used a squeegee board.

 

[Lavinda Past]

A bloke goes into a florist and asks for some flowers for his new girlfriend.

‘Certainly sir, I’m sure we can help. Tell me, what exactly is it you’re after?’

'A shag’ says the bloke.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I went into the Police station today and saw a man with three stripes on his arm and a trifle on his head...

He was the custardy sergeant.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I bought a Dictionary at a car boot sale but when I got it home I found it was full of blank pages.

I couldn’t find the words to express my anger.

 

[Lavinda Past]

It really hurts me to say this, but I've got laryngitis.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I've got a job lot of 2025 school calendars for sale.

Ask about our terms.