Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

The doctor told me that if I had a vasectomy, I wouldn't have kids.

I had the vasectomy.

I went home.

The kids were still there.

Lying bastard.

 

[Bigg Bigg Blue]

It was suggested that I should delete a joke containing a Michael Barrymore 'reference' a few days ago.... I think you should get at least a week's ban...

I am going to suggest that this post is deleted.....

 

[Grassland Blue]

The fact that there's a highway to hell yet only a stairway to heaven, says a lot about predicted traffic numbers.....

 

[Lavinda Past]

Just in case the country gets invaded and I have to hide quickly, I have put a big pop art painting on my wall that hides my secret panic room.


I call it my handy war hole.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Scientists have announced that gorillas taken from tropical Central African habitats are undergoing experimental gender reassignment surgery.

This is said to be a huge step forward in primate change.

 

[Lavinda Past]

An old mate of mine is in a mental hospital at the moment having developed a morbid fear of Komodo dragons.

His condition has been getting worse even though he's being monitored 24/7

 

[Lavinda Past]

I was on the tram the other day and I noticed a tiny bearded man who kept saying "tick tick tick tick."

I asked him why he was doing that.

He said, "I'm a metrognome."

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Lavinda Past]