Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

I think everyone carping on about @Lavinda Past's jokes should take a minute to reflect.

They're not his jokes. He did't make them up. He selflessly spends hours scouring his sources for them and each and every one is, no doubt, subject to a rigourous selection policy. Only those that measure up to LPs exacting standards actually make it on to BM.

Just let that sink in.

 

[Lavinda Past]

You mean there are ones that didn't make the cut?

 

[Lavinda Past]

Or maybe he accesses a really crap jokes website copies and pastes every joke that appears on it regardless of whether or not the joke contains any humour

 

[Ballymagash Blue]

 

[fanatic1]

The leader of a gang of Hells Angels was chilling at home watching a porn video with beer in hand, Suddenly there's a knock at the door. Grumbling he gets up to answer. A wrinkled ninety year old woman stands outside, dressed in a leather biker's jacket. She says "Good evening young man - I'd like to join your biking chapter."

He swallows and says "Sorry Supergran but you need a mean machine for that."
She replies "Yeah that's my ride out there" The Angel is very impressed as it's the latest new model with all the bells and whistles. Quite puts his own bike to shame.

He says that his gang are very heavy drinkers. At that she takes out a bottle of Jack Daniels from her pocket and has a deep pull. He says that his team are very heavy smokers too. She replies "I'm a four pack a day girl and have a couple of Cuban fat ones when I'm shooting pool."

He's getting desperate now and groans "Well have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

She retorts "Well no but I've been swung around by the nipples a few times."

 

[Casey69]

The Lone Ranger and tonto ride into town after a hot day on the range and head into the saloon for a well deserved drink . The bartender refuses to serve tonto so the Lone Ranger tells tonto to jog round the block while he has a couple of drinks, much later and many drinks later the bartender says “ hey Lone Ranger you’ve left your injun running !

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Tuearts right boot]

I think everyone carping on about @Lavinda Past's jokes should take a minute to reflect.

They're not his jokes. He did't make them up. He selflessly spends hours scouring his sources for them and each and every one is, no doubt, subject to a rigourous selection policy. Only those that measure up to LPs exacting standards actually make it on to BM.

Just let that sink in.

I never knew that....

 

[Lavinda Past]

I never knew that....

I've seen things you'll never see...

 

[Bill Walker]

Two beautiful girls looked me up and down in the pub and said nine.
I felt great until I discovered they were German.