Joke thread

[KS55]

I`ve seen Tim Vine live and believe me he`s far far ahead of Lavinda.

Headline: “Oakie in vicious attack on Lavinda.”

 

[Sam101]

"Some cannibals have broken into a convent in a town just outside Coventry."

"Nuneaton?"

"Yes, several of them”

 

[Sam101]

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81?

He said "No"

 

[blue44]

 

[r.soleofsalford]

I asked my wife what she would like for a birthday present. She said she'd love something with diamonds.

So I bought her a pack of cards.

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday, she said she’d like a widows pension.

 

[r.soleofsalford]

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday, she said she’d like a widows pension.

I don’t think she was joking.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I`ve seen Tim Vine live and believe me he`s far far ahead of Lavinda.

 

[horlock_was_super]

People who use the wrong words should at least have the humidity to admit it.

Hilda Baker likes this

 

[horlock_was_super]

So, different branch of the family tree, then.

You goal hanging twat!

 

[kippaxneil]

Breaking News: The Managing Director of Dulux Paints has died of hypothermia while trecking across the Antarctic for charity.
Paramedics said he could have done with another coat.

 

[Barcon]

Who is Tim Vine?

Wh..... Oh, never mind.

 

[sir baconface]

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81?

He said "No"

Good to see some drei humour.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I found out that the guy who stole my diary died yesterday.

My thoughts are with his family.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I'm not going to our local acupuncturist any more.

He's a bit of a backstabber.

 

[blue44]

I keep forgetting what amnesia means ...

 

[bluemoon32]

Hope i win the office Christmas jumper competition.

 

[Lavinda Past]

The lead singer of Pulp has released a new album consisting of nothing but rooster noises.

Seriously, is there no limit to what that Cocker dude'll do?

 

[Lavinda Past]

Our local amateur dramatic company are putting on a pantomime about a schizophrenic greengrocer.

It's called Jack and the beans talk.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I bought a music ststem at a boot sale the other day.

It only plays music by Cream, The Strawbs and The Jam.

It's a gateau blaster

 

[BigJoe#1]

My mate said he didn't have a clue about cloning.....

I said that "well makes two of us"