Joke thread

[Sam101]

A rich Frenchman showed me his yachts.



“This is Un, this is Deux, this is Trois, this is Quatre, this is Six.”



Me: “Where’s the fifth one?”



“Cinq.”

.

 

[Sam101]

My 18-year-old son won £21 million pounds on the lottery recently and when I tried to ring him to congratulate him he didn't want anything to do with me.





His foster parents must have raised him to be a right prick.

 

[dobingsdobber]

Hilda Baker likes this

Thank you very glad.

 

[Casey69]

Just lost my job at the dairy farm … they said I was udderley incompetent!

 

[KS55]

What do Henry the Eighth and Kermit the Frog have in common?










They have the same middle name as Mott the Hoople.

Corrected for ya.

 

[citizen_maine]

Corrected for ya.

Nobody wants their Hoople Mott'ed

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mate ordered a book online about premature ejaculation, It came in his email.

 

[kippaxneil]

My mate has just rang me in tears. His wife has just left him due to his obsession with reggae music and football....and has taken his precious Bob Marley collection and the satellite dish.
So now it's...No woman, no sky!

 

[Lavinda Past]

A woman gets hit on the head by a flying dustbin during a storm. People gather round to help and someone calls an ambulance.

The paramedic says to her “I think you may have concussion, how many fingers have it got up?”

The woman looks frightened and says “oh no, not only have I got concussion but my fanny is paralysed as well”

 

[Vienna_70]

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81?

He said "No"

That’s a very good use of word play.