Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

I've just heard that all the toilets in police stations have a 'glory hole'.

It's where the police get anonymous tips.

 

[Barcon]

I posted that joke a few years ago and got a fair bit of abuse for it..."Poor Taste", "Inappropriate" etc, and that was even before all this current woke nonsense.

My dad told me that when I was about 13.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Mrs Lavinda convinced me to get orthopedic insoles. I thought it was a stupid idea at first but I stand corrected.

 

[blue44]

 

[Lavinda Past]

If you're buying a watch and it says you can swim with it, pleaae bear in mind that that only works if you can swim without it.

 

[meltonblue]

Apparently all the cows in Austria are ill

The hills are alive with the sound of moo sick…

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Uwe`s Grandad]

 

[Lavinda Past]

A Catholic priest has been caught on video drunk and snorting cocaine.

When the Vatican heard why the priest was arrested, a spokesman for the Pope said, "phew."

 

[Lavinda Past]

 

[Vienna_70]

I told Mrs Lavinda: "It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you, there's nothin' that a hundred men or more could ever do"

She said, "That's an eighties song lyric!"

I said, "I know... I have Toto recall."

I wondered why the page count in this thread has suddenly shot up.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[bladdered]

 

[sir baconface]

 

[bluethrunthru]

 

[Vienna_70]

View attachment 148090

What’s that doing in this thread?

It’s not a joke.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Aldi have started a delivery service near us.

They didn't have the bananas or tomatoes that I ordered, so sent replacement items instead.

Fuck knows what I'm going to do with a chainsaw and javelin.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Warren Peace...

I went to school with him.

Nice kid. Liked reading long books.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I went to the cafeteria in a nearby army base recently.

It was a mess.