Joke thread

A bloke called Simon goes on Stars in Your Eyes with Matthew Kelly. Kelly says to him 'You were meant to be on here 18 months ago Simon, what happened?'

Simon replies, 'Well Matthew, my uncle and I were on our way here when we had a tragic car accident. My uncle was killed and I lost both my arms and legs.'

'That's awful' says Kelly, 'But there is something good to come out of this isn't there?'

'Yes' says Simon, 'at the hospital they were doing a pioneering limb transplant operation, so they transplanted my uncles arms and legs on to me.'

Kelly is astounded and the audience applauds. 'That is amazing. We're delighted to have you here finally. And Simon, who are you going to be for us tonight?'

And Simon says 'Tonight Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Half Uncle.'
 
"I've got ants"



"Oh yeah, well I've got taller ants"



"Ok, well, I've got a tube of glue"



"Ha, I've got an entire tin of glue"



"I've got... Bread"



"Damn it, you win. I can't handle that with my glue tin 'n taller ants"
 
Sam101 said:
A bloke called Simon goes on Stars in Your Eyes with Matthew Kelly. Kelly says to him 'You were meant to be on here 18 months ago Simon, what happened?'

Simon replies, 'Well Matthew, my uncle and I were on our way here when we had a tragic car accident. My uncle was killed and I lost both my arms and legs.'

'That's awful' says Kelly, 'But there is something good to come out of this isn't there?'

'Yes' says Simon, 'at the hospital they were doing a pioneering limb transplant operation, so they transplanted my uncles arms and legs on to me.'

Kelly is astounded and the audience applauds. 'That is amazing. We're delighted to have you here finally. And Simon, who are you going to be for us tonight?'

And Simon says 'Tonight Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Half Uncle.'
Click to expand...
That is fucking shocking!

I know there’s a lot of competition, but this has to be one of the worst jokes in the entire thread.
 
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