Joke thread

[Bill Walker]

View attachment 162334

Annoyingly it's fecking true :(

 

[Bill Walker]

5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants...... now they are tenants.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

I've just had to shut my new business down. it was a dating site for chickens. I just couldn't make hens meet.

 

[bladdered]

 

[chris63]

Just had a dealer try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from the Blarney Stone Ireland and kissed by St Patrick himself. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.

Obviously a sham rock.

 

[Sam101]

I've just found out that Humphrey Bogart collected paintings of toilets.

 

[Sam101]

Two lions walking down Blackpool Promenade, one turns round to the other and says "Quiet for a bank holiday!"

 

[Vienna_70]

View attachment 162079

You stupid boy!

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Think I just had one of them for me tea at Wetherspoons.
View attachment 162186

Bernhard Minge was the chief scout for Bayer Leverkusen in the mid/late 90's. I had the pleasure of taking him to Goodison Park, EFC v AFC, he was looking at someone I cant remember. He wanted to go to the Cavern, I took him, it was shut. Decent bloke, just saying.....

 

[RadcliffeRick]

You stupid boy!

What is the guys name at the back of that picture ?

 

[eric pode of croydon]

What is the guys name at the back of that picture ?

Don't tell him Pike.

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Vienna_70]

What is the guys name at the back of that picture ?

Ian Lavender?

 

[Bill Walker]

My wife says she doesn't understand cloning.
I said "That makes two of us."

 

[Bill Walker]

Just had a dealer try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from the Blarney Stone Ireland and kissed by St Patrick himself. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.

Obviously a sham rock.

 

[hammocity]

My wife says she doesn't understand cloning.
I said "That makes two of us."

True story Bill, in our early 20’s (now 66), a few of us lads used to have a few beers in Ashton/Stalybridge, we’d quite often end up in Pete’s Chippy, Dine in/Take Out in the Bridge.

One night we went in and one of the lads said “I’ll have fish, chips, pea’s, a sausage and gravy”. Pete said “all together?”

About five of us said “I’ll have fish, chips, pea’s a sausage and gravy”

You had to be there really but we were all laughing at our stupendous comic genius at such a young age, either that or we were just so pissed we thought it was hilarious! Great times though, treasure those moments as we’ve got older and lost a few friends. Live every day, it’s so true.

 

[Bill Walker]

True story Bill, in our early 20’s (now 66), a few of us lads used to have a few beers in Ashton/Stalybridge, we’d quite often end up in Pete’s Chippy, Dine in/Take Out in the Bridge.

One night we went in and one of the lads said “I’ll have fish, chips, pea’s, a sausage and gravy”. Pete said “all together?”

About five of us said “I’ll have fish, chips, pea’s a sausage and gravy”

You had to be there really but we were all laughing at our stupendous comic genius at such a young age, either that or we were just so pissed we thought it was hilarious! Great times though, treasure those moments as we’ve got older and lost a few friends. Live every day, it’s so true.

That should be in the FOC thread mate ;)

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[RadcliffeRick]

Ian Lavender?

I was setting it up for Eric's reply :-)