Joke thread

[Protein Junkie]

My Dad is 88 bless him and is full of corny jokes.

Which Middle Eastern emirate love The Flintstones?

Abu Dhabi do.

 

[Sam101]

I said to my mate, "I bought my dog a little coat with writing on the back."

He said, "Oh, what did it say?"

I replied, "Nothing, he's a dog."

 

[Maintainin]

Defo... 'The Rat n Phlegm Inn' !!!​

 

[blue b4 the moon]

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Defo... 'The Rat n Phlegm Inn' !!!​

Chuckle & Spit.

If they did a carvery the blackboard outside could say Chuckle And Spit Roast Available Inside.

 

[Oxhey foxy]

Robert Di Niro is to play Harold Shipman in his latest film.

It’s to be called The Old Dear Hunter.

 

[J.G.Blue.]

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Defo... 'The Rat n Phlegm Inn' !!!​

The Rat Faced Wanker & The Gobshite?

 

[ROBSH34]

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Defo... 'The Rat n Phlegm Inn' !!!​

Dumb and Dumber

 

[Columbia]

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Defo... 'The Rat n Phlegm Inn' !!!​

The Rat Trap

 

[Penfold the Duke]

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Defo... 'The Rat n Phlegm Inn' !!!​

The Chuckle and Spitty.

 

[ballbag]

The grob and duck

 

[TinFoilHat]

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Defo... 'The Rat n Phlegm Inn' !!!​

The Two Cheeks
(Of the same arse)

 

[RiversideBlue]

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Defo... 'The Rat n Phlegm Inn' !!!​

Famous for it's Bitter I believe

 

[Sam Armstrong]

 

[Vienna_70]

Robert Di Niro is to play Harold Shipman in his latest film.

It’s to be called The Old Dear Hunter.

I know I shouldn’t have, but I giggled at that.

 

[mrcunny]

 

[Zubrman]

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One is Mr Potato Head and the other is a Spud u Like.

 

[sir baconface]

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One’s a misshapen vegetable that’s well past its shelf life.

The other’s a potato.

 

[TonyColemansbagofapples]

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The one on the left has a higher IQ?

 

[SamTheGuru]

Great-niece told me a joke the other day:

What do you call a bird staring at a lettuce?

Chicken Caesar Salad.

 

[lefty goldblatt]

A bloke goes onto shite ITV game show You Bet, claiming he can tell where a football is from, as soon as he's given it.

Annoying wanker Mulherne gives him the first ball....
"Grimsby.....I can smell the fish".

YESSSSSSS, shouts the bouffanted tosser

He gets another....
"Blackpool, it's sticky, and covered in bits of rock"

CORRECCCCCTTTT calls the quiffed ****


Last ball gets given to him......

"It's from London "
Can you be more precise?, says the talentless twat.
"Yes, North London"
Can you give me a little bit more, asked the annoying arsehole
"Sure. It's from Tottenham "
That's incredible, cried the preening prick. Tell me, how did you know

"Easy. I squeezed it. It's going down"