'Knock knock', `Who's there` `Cheryl Cole``Sorry, you'll have to speak more clearly`
I said to a guy in the pub, `I've just heard you've got some hearing aids for sale` he said, `well you don't f*****g need any then`
Paddy was telling Mick about taking his first parachute jump, 'when I got to the door I couldn't jump. The 6'7" man mountain black instructor unzipped his fly and drops out 14" and says 'If you don't jump you're gonna get this baby right up your ar*e.".
Mick says, 'Did you jump?' Paddy says, 'A bit, when it first went in.
I had curried pelican at the local Indian last nigh, not bad, but the f*****g bill was enormous.
The police came to my front door the other night holding a picture of my wife.
The Constable said, "Is this your wife sir?"
Shocked I answered, "Yes"
He said, "I'm afraid I have to tell you that it looks like she’s been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."
