joke thread....

mrcunny

Well-Known Member
Joined
4 Jan 2009
Messages
2,475
A shop worker feels horny so decides to have a wank there and then. Going at it he hears the manager approaching, he panicks n shoves his cock in till!
"You look happy" says the owner. "Yeah" replies the worker "I've just cum into some money"
 

manchester blue

Well-Known Member
Joined
7 May 2008
Messages
8,073
Location
Manchester
Team supported
Manchester City
‎'Knock knock', `Who's there` `Cheryl Cole``Sorry, you'll have to speak more clearly`

I said to a guy in the pub, `I've just heard you've got some hearing aids for sale` he said, `well you don't f*****g need any then`

Paddy was telling Mick about taking his first parachute jump, 'when I got to the door I couldn't jump. The 6'7" man mountain black instructor unzipped his fly and drops out 14" and says 'If you don't jump you're gonna get this baby right up your ar*e.".
Mick says, 'Did you jump?' Paddy says, 'A bit, when it first went in.

I had curried pelican at the local Indian last nigh, not bad, but the f*****g bill was enormous.

The police came to my front door the other night holding a picture of my wife.
The Constable said, "Is this your wife sir?"
Shocked I answered, "Yes"
He said, "I'm afraid I have to tell you that it looks like she’s been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."
 

MikeBlue

Well-Known Member
Joined
6 May 2010
Messages
692
Came out of the pub the other night and some prick threw cheese at me........I thought thats mature!

Bought this new aftershave.......its called "breadcrumbs"......the birds love it!
 

mrcunny

Well-Known Member
Joined
4 Jan 2009
Messages
2,475
Putting Sepp Blatter back in charge of Fifa is like making Gary Glitter the Education Secretary........you just know there's going to be a lot of Fiddling
going on!
 

Randomer

Well-Known Member
Joined
3 Jun 2009
Messages
909
It was just over a fortnight ago, that my wife left me because of my obsession with Sinead O'Connor.

In fact, it's been about seven hours and fifteen days.



I've got the mother in law round for dinner tomorrow night. Anybody know any good recipes involving cucumbers?



Peter Beardsley is the latest 'celebrity' to be at the centre of a super injunction scandal.

Apparently the girl he shagged doesn't want to be named.
 

Txiki Vimto

Well-Known Member
Joined
29 Nov 2009
Messages
2,086
Came out of the supermarket this morning. All of a sudden a man threw a pint of milk, a lump of cheese and a tub of ice cream at me.

How dairy!
 

Oohvonkyvonky

Well-Known Member
Joined
15 Feb 2009
Messages
1,782
Location
Always about, somewhere..
Met a girl last night, told her she reminded me of my little toe, she said is that cus I'm small and cute ? No I said it's cus I will be banging you on the coffee table later !!
 

BackofJeanette

Well-Known Member
Joined
20 Apr 2011
Messages
1,367
Nothing makes me happier than when I'm slapping my balls against my wife's chin.

2 snooker balls inside a sock is genius.

My latest business venture is in ruins.
I formed a new club teaching young kids to play the violin. One month in and not one child has showed up.
In hindsight, calling it kiddie fiddlers probably wasn't a smart move.
 

crizack

Well-Known Member
Joined
8 Sep 2008
Messages
3,802
Location
pat butchers mini bar
i used to be a werewolf, but im alright nooooooooooooooooooooow.

i loved donkeys so much as a kid, my dad said i'll turn into one, ee or ee or ee or ways said that.
 

Don't have an account?

Register now!
Top
  AdBlock Detected
Bluemoon relies on advertising to pay our hosting fees. Please support the site by disabling your ad blocking software to help keep the forum sustainable. Thanks.