Joke thread

Man sit's waiting for his wife to cook breakfast, he hears a thud and goes into the kitchen to find her dead on the floor. He goes into a blind panic, then suddenly remembers...
Weatherspoons do an all-day breakfast for only £ 3.95!!<br /><br />-- Sun Jun 26, 2011 1:14 pm --<br /><br />The Mrs has just bought a pair of Meatloaf knickers. . . On the front it says "I will do anything for love" . . . on the back it says "But I Won't Do That! "
 
The wife suggested i get myself one of those penis enlargers....

so i did...

she's 19 and her names Lucy<br /><br />-- Sun Jun 26, 2011 5:54 pm --<br /><br />The wife suggested i get myself one of those penis enlargers....

so i did...

she's 19 and her names Lucy
 
What happened to that Over 18's thread with all those drunken stories in it?

Funny as fuck that thread.
 
I came home to find a rooster, a clergyman and a chimpanzee in my front room watching porn! I didn't know whether to choke the chicken, bash the bishop or spank the monkey.
 
A fat bird walks by a pet shop and a parrot shouts, "oy you".
She says, "what?", the parrot shouts "yer a fat ugly bitch!"
She storms away raging. The next day it happens again. So she goes in and tells the owner if it happens again that shes telling the police.
So the next morning she swaggers by and the parrot shouts "oy you!"
She says, "what?".
The parrot shouts "you fucking know what!"
 
Sally webster suggested kev get himself one of those penis enlargers....

so he did...

she's 12 and her names Lucy



a bit of changing and a new joke appears...lol
 
I saw a good looking woman walking down the street, so I gave her a wolf whistle.

"What's this for?" she asked.

I said, "If you see a wolf, blow on that and someone will come and rescue you."
 
TTTCITYBHOY said:
"KARMA" Sutra position no. 54.The Pirate.


When giving it doggy style,spit on her back,so she (or he for some of you) thinks you've came.
When she turns around blast her in the face.
Known as The Pirate because she'll put 1 hand over her eye,
and shout AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH.
Click to expand...

My mate told me one the other day like this: Its called the Spider Man:

pull out Shoot your load in hand and flip up your girls back, like spider man shooting a web!!
 
BlueStar1978 said:
TTTCITYBHOY said:
"KARMA" Sutra position no. 54.The Pirate.


When giving it doggy style,spit on her back,so she (or he for some of you) thinks you've came.
When she turns around blast her in the face.
Known as The Pirate because she'll put 1 hand over her eye,
and shout AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH.
Click to expand...

My mate told me one the other day like this: Its called the Spider Man:

pull out Shoot your load in hand and flip up your girls back, like spider man shooting a web!!
Click to expand...

Monkey Face:

Spunk on her face and throw a handful of pubes on there so they stick, then cry out "Monkey Face! Oo oo oo oo!"
 
Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom to find his Dad giving his Mum one. His Dad smirks and throws a pillow at the door saying, "Get outta here, you little shit!"

A couple of hours later Dad hears a whole lot of commotion coming from little Johnny's bedroom. He goes up to find little Johnny giving his Grandma a right royal seeing to.

Little Johnny smiles, "It's not so fucking funny when it's YOUR mum, is it?"
 
A little old man totters into a chemist for some viagra...

He says.."I need em cut into quarters"..

The chemist replies.."a quarter tablet will not give you much of a hard on"..

The old man says "Im 96 years old and i don't have much use for a hard on...i
just want it stickin out enough for me to stop pissin on me slippers.."
 
A bloke stands in front of his wife stark bollock naked, apart from wearing a new pair of shoes. He says to his wife "Do you notice anything?" She says "No". He says "Well, my cock is pointing at them". She replies " Oh, a new pair of shoes. Shame you didn't buy a new hat"..
 
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