Joke thread

[mrcunny]

why is a pork pie like a pensioners fanny? .... cos you have to bite off the crust and eat the jelly before you get to the meat!

 

[Clevers]

why is a pork pie like a pensioners fanny? .... cos you have to bite off the crust and eat the jelly before you get to the meat!

Thanks I'll never eat a pork pie again.

 

[Oohvonkyvonky]

why is a pork pie like a pensioners fanny? .... cos you have to bite off the crust and eat the jelly before you get to the meat!

Thanks I'll never eat a pork pie again.

I'll never look at pensioners fanny again.



I'll keep my blindfold on

 

[mrcunny]

why is a pork pie like a pensioners fanny? .... cos you have to bite off the crust and eat the jelly before you get to the meat!

Thanks I'll never eat a pork pie again.

only certain brands of pork pie matey....

 

[scowy68]

Paddy gets a phone call from the police.Your house has been broken into they have drank all your beer and raped your wife !!! ...... Paddy says i cant beleive they shagged her after only four cans !!!

 

[JoeMercer'sWay]

why is a pork pie like a pensioners fanny? .... cos you have to bite off the crust and eat the jelly before you get to the meat!

Thanks I'll never eat a pork pie again.

only certain brands of pork pie matey....

I was having tea tyvm.

git.

 

[Bilboblue]

I drove past a couple of lazy arsed strikers yesterday
"Get back to work and do your job properly!!! " I shouted at them.

I couldn't make out what Torres said but Andy Carrol told me to "fuck off"

 

[mrcunny]

Today I treated the wife to one of them fish pedicures. Very pleased with the results. Those piranhas dont fvck about!<br /><br />-- Sun Dec 04, 2011 10:57 pm --<br /><br />I phoned the police the other day.

"What's your emergency?" they asked
I said "There's two girls fighting over me."
"Ok" she paused "Well what's the problem?"
"The fat one's winning."

 

[jimharri]

I like to walk around the house naked.

Until the neighbours chase me back inside.

 

[Gelsons Dad]

A skeleton goes into a bar and says to the bartender, I'd like a beer.

and a mop.

 

[mrcunny]

Statistics show 25% of women in this country are on medication for mental illness...........thats scary...........75% of the fuckers are running about with no medication at all

 

[Johnsonontheleft]

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.

 

[mrcunny]

Just had Yuletide singers outside, serenading me with "you're sh!t, and you know you are!"
I opened the door in a huff, and they explained they were Andy Carrol singers

 

[i kne albert davy]

Liverpool fans were left shocked and disappointed last night as the F.A. handed Andy Carroll an 8 week run in the first team.

 

[charliebigspuds]

did you hear about the scarecrow that got the Nobel Peace Prize, apparently he was outstanding in his field

 

[smudgedj]

The barman said, "We don't serve faster-than-light neutrinos in here"


A neutrino walks into a bar

 

[pieface]

Two women were sitting quietly together,minding their own business.

 

[manimanc]

said to my missus,
"hey,fat twat,what do you want for xmas?"
she said "don`t get fucking lippy.."
i said "right,mascara it is then!"...

 

[smudgedj]

What's yellow and goes phut phut phut?

An outboard budgie.

 

[Tricky Dickys Right Foot Shot]

I was watching clips of I'm A Celeb and it showed Fatima Whitbread wearing a small skimpy bikini and I couldn't help thinking to myself "don't get a hard on, don't get a hard on" but she did.