Joke thread

[Cheese Butty]

This comes from an old calypso song from 1943 Shame and Scandel. I remember it from my childhood in the 60s when we lived in the Caribbean. <a class="postlink" href="http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/song-midis/Shame_and_Scandal.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/song- ... candal.htm</a>[/quote]

I have the Lance Percival version on my phone, would you believe.


Before I had my orthopedic shoe fitted I said that I was sure that it wouldn't make any difference.
I stand corrected.

 

[BimboBob]

This comes from an old calypso song from 1943 Shame and Scandel. I remember it from my childhood in the 60s when we lived in the Caribbean. <a class="postlink" href="http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/song-midis/Shame_and_Scandal.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.traditionalmusic.co.uk/song- ... candal.htm</a>

I have the Lance Percival version on my phone, would you believe.


Before I had my orthopedic shoe fitted I said that I was sure that it wouldn't make any difference.
I stand corrected.

Biggus dickus?

 

[Tricky Dickys Right Foot Shot]

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to piss, and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't shit any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble pissing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

"No, I piss every morning at 6:00. I piss like a racehorse on a flat rock -- no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem taking a shit?"

"No, I shit every morning at 6:30."

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You piss every morning at 6:00 and shit every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."

 

[foetus]

I surprised my new female post lady this morning by sticking my cock through the letter box.Don't know if she was more shocked at seeing my cock or the fact I knew where she lived!

 

[kawkav]

I surprised my new female post lady this morning by sticking my cock through the letter box.Don't know if she was more shocked at seeing my cock or the fact I knew where she lived!

really!!!? 3rd time in three pages. after all that happened to the original double poster!!

 

[RadcliffeRick]

The president of the Philippines has sent a personal message to David Cameron thanking him for the search and rescue dogs the UK sent over. The messages stated that they were delicious.

 

[BimboBob]

The president of the Philippines has sent a personal message to David Cameron thanking him for the search and rescue dogs the UK sent over. The messages stated that they were delicious.

 

[Blue Mist]

If posters can't be arsed checking the three previous posts to see if the so called joke currently doing the rounds of facebook/twitter has already ben posted I fear for this thread.


Just sayin'

 

[Stato]

did you hear about the blind prostitute? you really have to hand it to her.

what did the leper say to the prostitute? keep the tip.

what did the agnostic, dyslectic, insomniac do?
stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

told this in another thread but will add it to here
why did the sperm cross the road?
I wore the wrong sock.

Tea. Its for mugs.

Whiteboards. They're remarkable.

 

[-dabz-]

I saw her on the other side of the harbour, she gave me a wave.....I've still got it at home in a bucket.
Tommy Cooper<br /><br />-- Thu Nov 28, 2013 2:56 pm --<br /><br />She had her hair in a bun...and her nose in a cheese sandwich.
Ronnie Corbett