Joke thread

[Ste1969]

I know it's normal for towns to name places to reflect their heritage, but I think it's a bit much for Manchester to have Bury, Rusholme and Hyde.

 

[moonshiner]

My wife heard the ice cream van outside the house earlier on. "Ah love" she said "any chance of getting me one" "Fuck off" I replied "you can't even drive"

 

[jimharri]

What is big, red and goes ''beep beep beep''? The Liverpool open to[ bus being reversed back into the garage.


Too soon??

I'll get my coat.

 

[foetus]

How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

A brazillion.

 

[Mr Ed (The Stables)]

On celebrating the 70th Anniversary of the "Battle of Britain" from WW2, the BBC interviewed fighter pilots from the conflict. On this occasion the BBC Radio 4 presenter informed the listening public that many nations from both the Commonwealth and friendly nations fought alongside our boys and gals. There were Polish, American, Indian, Australian, New Zealand and Czech fighter pilots.

On this particular show the presenter interviewed Janek Gers a Polish fighter pilot who had fought in the Battle of Britain. He was asked what a typical day of patrolling was like.

He answered "We would take off, and get into formation as soon as possible and maintaining the Height and always coming out of the sun. I was looking for enemy aircraft when suddenly my visibility deteriorated as I entered heavy clouds. On coming out the other side I had lost the remainder of my squadron and suddenly there were Focke's to the front of me, Focke's to the left of me, Focke's behind me, Focke's to the right of me, I was completely surrounded by Focke's.

The BBC presenter embarrassed stressed to the listening public that the Focke-Wulf was a type of German aircraft during the war.

The polish fighter replied "yes but these fuckers were Messerschmidts"

 

[Anonymous]

On celebrating the 70th Anniversary of the "Battle of Britain" from WW2, the BBC interviewed fighter pilots from the conflict. On this occasion the BBC Radio 4 presenter informed the listening public that many nations from both the Commonwealth and friendly nations fought alongside our boys and gals. There were Polish, American, Indian, Australian, New Zealand and Czech fighter pilots.

On this particular show the presenter interviewed Janek Gers a Polish fighter pilot who had fought in the Battle of Britain. He was asked what a typical day of patrolling was like.

He answered "We would take off, and get into formation as soon as possible and maintaining the Height and always coming out of the sun. I was looking for enemy aircraft when suddenly my visibility deteriorated as I entered heavy clouds. On coming out the other side I had lost the remainder of my squadron and suddenly there were Focke's to the front of me, Focke's to the left of me, Focke's behind me, Focke's to the right of me, I was completely surrounded by Focke's.

The BBC presenter embarrassed stressed to the listening public that the Focke-Wulf was a type of German aircraft during the war.

The polish fighter replied "yes but these fuckers were Messerschmidts"

Stan Boardman wants his joke back.

 

[Mr Ed (The Stables)]

On celebrating the 70th Anniversary of the "Battle of Britain" from WW2, the BBC interviewed fighter pilots from the conflict. On this occasion the BBC Radio 4 presenter informed the listening public that many nations from both the Commonwealth and friendly nations fought alongside our boys and gals. There were Polish, American, Indian, Australian, New Zealand and Czech fighter pilots.

On this particular show the presenter interviewed Janek Gers a Polish fighter pilot who had fought in the Battle of Britain. He was asked what a typical day of patrolling was like.

He answered "We would take off, and get into formation as soon as possible and maintaining the Height and always coming out of the sun. I was looking for enemy aircraft when suddenly my visibility deteriorated as I entered heavy clouds. On coming out the other side I had lost the remainder of my squadron and suddenly there were Focke's to the front of me, Focke's to the left of me, Focke's behind me, Focke's to the right of me, I was completely surrounded by Focke's.

The BBC presenter embarrassed stressed to the listening public that the Focke-Wulf was a type of German aircraft during the war.

The polish fighter replied "yes but these fuckers were Messerschmidts"

Stan Boardman wants his joke back.

I know, I think it ended his TV career.

 

[Anonymous]

On celebrating the 70th Anniversary of the "Battle of Britain" from WW2, the BBC interviewed fighter pilots from the conflict. On this occasion the BBC Radio 4 presenter informed the listening public that many nations from both the Commonwealth and friendly nations fought alongside our boys and gals. There were Polish, American, Indian, Australian, New Zealand and Czech fighter pilots.

On this particular show the presenter interviewed Janek Gers a Polish fighter pilot who had fought in the Battle of Britain. He was asked what a typical day of patrolling was like.

He answered "We would take off, and get into formation as soon as possible and maintaining the Height and always coming out of the sun. I was looking for enemy aircraft when suddenly my visibility deteriorated as I entered heavy clouds. On coming out the other side I had lost the remainder of my squadron and suddenly there were Focke's to the front of me, Focke's to the left of me, Focke's behind me, Focke's to the right of me, I was completely surrounded by Focke's.

The BBC presenter embarrassed stressed to the listening public that the Focke-Wulf was a type of German aircraft during the war.

The polish fighter replied "yes but these fuckers were Messerschmidts"

Stan Boardman wants his joke back.

I know, I think it ended his TV career.

There's always an up side!

 

[foetus]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gf0zw6Mhrhs[/youtube]

 

[TangerineSteve17]

My mum said to me "I'm gonna dig a hole in the ground and fill it with water!"

I thought, she means well.

 

[RadcliffeRick]

On celebrating the 70th Anniversary of the "Battle of Britain" from WW2, the BBC interviewed fighter pilots from the conflict. On this occasion the BBC Radio 4 presenter informed the listening public that many nations from both the Commonwealth and friendly nations fought alongside our boys and gals. There were Polish, American, Indian, Australian, New Zealand and Czech fighter pilots.

On this particular show the presenter interviewed Janek Gers a Polish fighter pilot who had fought in the Battle of Britain. He was asked what a typical day of patrolling was like.

He answered "We would take off, and get into formation as soon as possible and maintaining the Height and always coming out of the sun. I was looking for enemy aircraft when suddenly my visibility deteriorated as I entered heavy clouds. On coming out the other side I had lost the remainder of my squadron and suddenly there were Focke's to the front of me, Focke's to the left of me, Focke's behind me, Focke's to the right of me, I was completely surrounded by Focke's.

The BBC presenter embarrassed stressed to the listening public that the Focke-Wulf was a type of German aircraft during the war.

The polish fighter replied "yes but these fuckers were Messerschmidts"

Stan Boardman wants his joke back.

I know, I think it ended his TV career.

that joke was his career.

 

[jimharri]

Stan Boardman wants his joke back.

I know, I think it ended his TV career.

that joke was his career.

Don't talk nonsense.

"The Geeeeermans bombed our chippy you know!"

Bloody hilarious.

 

[Zuriblue]

I know, I think it ended his TV career.

that joke was his career.

Don't talk nonsense.

"The Geeeeermans bombed our chippy you know!"

Bloody hilarious.

Thought that was Lou Macari.

The Pistorius trial took a new twist after the publication of Reeva Steenkamp's Valentines card to Oscar was read out in court, and shed new light on the misunderstanding..

"Dear Oscar,

You train so hard,
You are never a quitter,
so as a valentines treat,
you can bang me in the shitter!

Reeva"

 

[StrangewaysHereWeCome]

My mum said to me "I'm gonna dig a hole in the ground and fill it with water!"

I thought, she means well.

I love shit jokes like this. More!

 

[BlueBearBoots]

My mum said to me "I'm gonna dig a hole in the ground and fill it with water!"

I thought, she means well.

I love shit jokes like this. More!

Yeah I prefer the short ones too

 

[Lavinda Past]

My mum said to me "I'm gonna dig a hole in the ground and fill it with water!"

I thought, she means well.

I love shit jokes like this. More!

Yeah I prefer the short ones too

You're more of a 'girth girl' then BBB?


**coat**

 

[mrcunny]

I bought one of those watches that tell you how far you've walked. It says I did 1500 miles last night.
Must be broken. I was in bed watching porn.

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Last week I got lost in the jungle...luckly I had a compass, so I was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil.

 

[moonshiner]

I've got an injured extraterrestrial in my shed. He's missing an eye. I call him Alen.

 

[JoeMercer'sWay]

I've got an injured extraterrestrial in my shed. He's missing an eye. I call him Alen.

love it.