Joke thread

[Dicko69]

A great chat up line

I have a dick and a knife, 1 of them is going in you, your choice...

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Me, my wife and our 2 children have always got the shits. Runs in the family.

I stormed out after I had a massive barny with my wife, all because I wouldn't help with the spring cleaning. I'll wait til the dust settles before I go back.

I'll never learn how to skydive. I lose all concentration with the instructor breathing down my neck the whole time.

 

[BlueBearBoots]

Me, my wife and our 2 children have always got the shits. Runs in the family.

I stormed out after I had a massive barny with my wife, all because I wouldn't help with the spring cleaning. I'll wait til the dust settles before I go back.

I'll never learn how to skydive. I lose all concentration with the instructor breathing down my neck the whole time.

LOL for that one TG (TS)

 

[city saint]

my wife said I only want sex when im drunk.i said that's not true sometimes I want a kebab

 

[TheTrillionDollarMan]

My dad used to always warn me about anal. He would say "Now son, this may hurt a bit"

How do you make an Ethiopian rave party? Glue some toast to the ceiling.

 

[douglas1977]

A bear walks into a bar. He says, "I'll have a gin... ... ... ... and tonic." The bartender says, "Sure, but what about the big pause?" The bear says, "I was born with them."

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.

 

[city saint]

A bear walks into a bar. He says, "I'll have a gin... ... ... ... and tonic." The bartender says, "Sure, but what about the big pause?" The bear says, "I was born with them."

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.

fuck me are you related to tangerine steve ha ha

 

[TangerineSteve17]

A bear walks into a bar. He says, "I'll have a gin... ... ... ... and tonic." The bartender says, "Sure, but what about the big pause?" The bear says, "I was born with them."

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.

Great jokes them..let nobody tell you different :)

I saw a sheep wrapped up in plastic. He was lambinated.

I said to my Swedish conjoined twin.."Bjorn in my side, baby that's all you'll ever be."

My dad bought me a Whinnie the Pooh pocket watch for my 30th birthday. I said "Is this a wind-up?"

 

[manchester blue]

Bird jokes is it? Well toucan play that game.

My mate, who I fought in the war with, was showing off his impressive arsenal to me. We were having a good old chat while looking at various knives, rifles, grenades etc. Then I suddenly clammed up and jumped behind the couch when he shown me his pocket sized pistol/cigarette lighter. I guess i'm a little gun shy these days.

Patient: Vet, vet, my parrots are stuck together!
Vet: I’m sorry, I don’t understand - it’s toucan fusing

 

[TangerineSteve17]

Patient: Vet, vet, my parrots are stuck together!
Vet: I’m sorry, I don’t understand - it’s toucan fusing

Bravo!

But stop forcing your bird jokes on us :) you're toucantrolling