Joke thread

[mrcunny]

I could never afford a personalised number plate for my car, so I changed my name by deed-poll to NA08MYB instead

 

[Ragnarok]

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.

The man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
His wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

The man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.
- A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball (a bit bigger than a cricket ball).
- It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
- The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.
- The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
- A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
- If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.
- Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
- There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
- Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.
- Women blink twice as much as men.
- The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.
- When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate...they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate!
- Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't.
- Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
- If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
- The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
(You looked at your thumb... didn't you?)

Hahahahaha

(Bastard! - You were watching!)

My penis size is only 1.5 times my thumb size. Does this mean that i can never become president? :(

 

[2sheikhs]

- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.
- A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball (a bit bigger than a cricket ball).
- It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
- The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.
- The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
- A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
- If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.
- Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
- There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
- Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.
- Women blink twice as much as men.
- The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.
- When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate...they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate!
- Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't.
- Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
- If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
- The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
(You looked at your thumb... didn't you?)

Hahahahaha

(Bastard! - You were watching!)

My penis size is only 1.5 times my thumb size. Does this mean that i can never become president? :(

Not unless your thumb is 5 inches long.

 

[Lavinda Past]

- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.
- A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball (a bit bigger than a cricket ball).
- It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
- The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.
- The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
- A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
- If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.
- Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
- There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
- Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.
- Women blink twice as much as men.
- The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.
- When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate...they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate!
- Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't.
- Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
- If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
- The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
(You looked at your thumb... didn't you?)

Hahahahaha

(Bastard! - You were watching!)

My penis size is only 1.5 times my thumb size. Does this mean that i can never become president? :(

Only if your thumb is 6+ inches long....

 

[Ragnarok]

Hahahahaha

(Bastard! - You were watching!)

My penis size is only 1.5 times my thumb size. Does this mean that i can never become president? :(

Only if your thumb is 6+ inches long....

My thumb size is only about 3 inches :(

 

[Lavinda Past]

My penis size is only 1.5 times my thumb size. Does this mean that i can never become president? :(

Only if your thumb is 6+ inches long....

My thumb size is only about 3 inches :(

Form an orderly queue please ladies....

;)

 

[cooperman45]

I just got the Scouse version of CLUEDO!






It was all of them..

 

[Alex the Blue]

A city fan walks up to a barman at Wembley, the barman says "usual mate"

 

[law74]

A city fan walks up to a barman at Wembley, the barman says "usual mate"

Stolen of Howards FB page?

 

[Alex the Blue]

A city fan walks up to a barman at Wembley, the barman says "usual mate"

Stolen of Howards FB page?

Correct, but I wanted to share it.