Lighten up, it's The City joke thread..........:-))

[levets]

A little old lady was trying to cross a busy road with loads of shopping bags,
a car pulled up and out got Peter Swales..

"excuse me love, can you manage" said Swales...

"you can fuck off, I'm not falling for that one" said the little old lady..

Very clever... from Manning...

 

[Esteban de la Sexface]

City are getting a new sponsor.. Tampax.

"they are going through a bad period"

 

[bri an t]

great thread lads.

 

[Chippy_boy]

Two lads are out on a Saturday afteroon
Suddenly one turns to the other and says "City have lost again."
The other man, flabbergasted says "how on earth do you know that?"
The other man replied "It's quarter to five."

________

Q What's the worst thing about the City of Manchester Stadium?

A The seats face the pitch

________

Two city fans walking through a cemetry when they come across a gravestonstone that reads:
"Here lies Eric Smith, premiership referee and a good man."
So, one of them asks the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"

 

[samharris]

Craig bellamy and wayne bridge in the communal Bathtub...Wayne say's "wheres the soap" ??/craig replied "yes it does doesnt it"

 

[andybluenolan]

I know they may not be city jokes but needed to share these with you all.

David Beckham gets home early to find Posh naked, sweaty and flustered. Quick Dave, i'm having a heart attack she cries. As Becks picks up the phone, Brooklyn runs in crying. Daddy, John Terry's in the wardrobe naked. Becks drops the phone, throws open the wardrobe door, and sure enough, there is the rat face face fucker. Beck's screams are you some sort of a c**t ? Vicky's having a heart attack and all you can do is run round naked scaring the kids.


Big black prostitute - Chelsea fan, got a tattoo of Cole and Terry's faces on the inside of her thighs. She says to her punter Paddy if you can guesswho they are you get a free shag. He looks left and right and says i dunno who those ugly bastards are, but the one in the middle with the lips and curly hair is definately Drogba.


Sex has gone downhill, so i bought the wife a dildo. She said it looks like a giant carrot.... which is ironic as her fanny looks like a donkey yawning.


What have city and paul macartney got in common ? They both get excited over one leg.

 

[goose72]

Roberto Mancini and the first team doing their bit for charity take a sunshine bus full of special kids out to Lapland to visit Santa. Santa sees each of the little kids, sits them on his knee, and everyone is touched by the beaming smiles on their little faces as he gives them their Christmas presents. After he’s seen the last kid, Santa says to Roberto: “That’s a lovely thing you’ve done there Roberto, and I know you’re a bit old for it, but I’m so moved I’m going to grant you a special Santa wish for Christmas – anything you like.”

Roberto says: “Well Santa – this is my dog, Rover. He’s 20 years old, he’s lame, he’s blind, his kidneys have packed up, he shits himself constantly – can you bring him back to good health?”

“Oh – I’m sorry,” replies Santa – "I know I’m Santa, but I can’t work miracles – is there anything else you’d like?”

Roberto thinks for a minute and says: “Ok – well in that case, can you see to it that City break into the top four this season, and maybe win a trophy too?”

Santa stares at Roberto and thinks for a minute, then says: “Let’s have another look at that dog”.

I’m here all week.

 

[johnny on the spot]

About fucking time, great stuff.

 

[r.soleofsalford]

two blokes stranded on a desert island, lying flat on their backs on the sand starring up at the beautiful blue sky, with the sea lapping at their feet.

bill says to bob:- well bob i wonder which team is leading the premiership.
bob says :- i dont know bill, but city lost today.
bill looks at bob in amazement :- ffs bob how the fuck do you know that.
bob shrugs his shoulders and says:- its saturday init.


wheres that effing coat

 

[r.soleofsalford]

This is the spirit, it's good to see some blues still have the famous, self-depricative, typical City sense of humour!

Q: What do a Man City player and someone on the dole have in common?

A: They're lazy and get paid for doing fuck all.

(NOTE: I am currently on the dole, so don't take offence!)

expect the call any day now, what are you like at left back