Meeting Rag Players & ******* Them Off!

[charliebigspuds]

Re: Meeting Rag Players & Pissing Them Off!

I met Rooney in Alderley Edge working one day, asked my mate to take a pic on my phone...instead of me saying to him "say cheese"..I said, "Say dirty red fat bastard"...should have seen the face on him, all smiles then he realised, wish I'd have had the thought to ask my mate to video it instead.
We left with a handshake.

Now thats funny

 

[c1tyfan]

Re: Meeting Rag Players & Pissing Them Off!

what would you any of you do if you was working on nanis new house that is just in the first stages of being built...?

Been done before but a good one still.

Buy a cheap pay as you go mobile. Fully charge the battery and wait until the job is closing on completion, with the aid of a sparky leave it on charge and either behind the plasterwork, in the cavity or under the floor. wait a couple of weeks until he has moved in and then ..... well I think you can see where this is going. we did this to a mate that had an extension built and believe me a ringing phone that cant be found can be a hell of a distraction. better still get bluemoon on it as a ringtone and ring all night before matches lol

PMSL. That's genius.

 

[dannybcity]

Re: Meeting Rag Players & Pissing Them Off!

Back when Tommy Doc was their manager I was working in Jimmy Saville's club when Lou Macari came in. I said "Oi, Lou, why aren't you serving in the chippy".

He wasn't happy.

Anyway, when he left his coat in the locker room I went over, told them I had been told to get it for him and take it to him and took it out the back.

The night before I had had toad in the hole for tea and had awful constipation. I dropped my pants and with al the might I could muster, desposited a log in his coat pocket.

When he came back a few hours later he was fuming, you should have seen his face. He started shouting 'Someone has had a shit in my coat pocket. I've been had over again by those damn City fans'.

Anyway, I wasn't there to witness this as the effort I had to muster to overcome the constipation was so much that I had ruptured my anal passage. I got a mate to take the coat back to the cloak room but I was writhing in agony on the floor and an ambulance had to be called. Two hours later I was having life saving surgery. Imagine my surprise when I woke up the following day and two coppers were waiting to arrest me. They had put two and two together and had me bang to rights for shitting in a coat.

I got five years, served three, lost my job and family and haven't seen any of my children in 30 years. Oh, and I have a plastic bag attached to my waist at all times now.

Still, got one over on that Rag Macari though, eh.

Most of these were shit, but this is fantastic. You don't write for Viz do you?

 

[zandvoort blue]

Re: Meeting Rag Players & Pissing Them Off!

Picture the scene…..The Rags have just been knocked out of Europe and are flying back to Manchester Airport from Moscow. They`d just been beaten on penalties by Spartak(??) Moscow with Brian McClair missing the vital spot kick. It`s late on, must be the early hours of the morning.

As the players disembark from the aircraft Ince appears first, and questions in his cocky annoying tone…..”Have the fans landed yet?” ….
To which my mate quick as a flash answers “Yeh mate, about 5 minutes after McClair`s penalty”.
Ince responded with something under his breath............

 

[charliebigspuds]

Re: Meeting Rag Players & Pissing Them Off!

what would you any of you do if you was working on nanis new house that is just in the first stages of being built...?

Just before you leave for the last time put some frozen prawns somewhere no one will find. under floorboard before laying carpet is a good place.

 

[charliebigspuds]

Re: Meeting Rag Players & Pissing Them Off!

what would you any of you do if you was working on nanis new house that is just in the first stages of being built...?

Been done before but a good one still.

Buy a cheap pay as you go mobile. Fully charge the battery and wait until the job is closing on completion, with the aid of a sparky leave it on charge and either behind the plasterwork, in the cavity or under the floor. wait a couple of weeks until he has moved in and then ..... well I think you can see where this is going. we did this to a mate that had an extension built and believe me a ringing phone that cant be found can be a hell of a distraction. better still get bluemoon on it as a ringtone and ring all night before matches lol

Pure genius.... I will remember this

 

[ratherdeadthanred]

Re: Meeting Rag Players & Pissing Them Off!

that twat keane was walking his dog near a house i was working at and his dog did a shit and the dirty rag didn't 'scoop' it up. so i legged it round the back of the house- got a spade, scooped it up myself and shouted 'oi you dirty bastard, i think this belongs to you' and lobbed it at him.

it narrowly missed him, but hit the dogs tail, which at the time was wagging, which in turn flicked the shit on keane's coat.
i got the sack- but it was worth it.

hmmmm i smell shit

 

[Banned Tosspot]

Whilst working at Manchester Airport I had Michael Stewart removed from a store for throwing a universal plug over 20 feet to John O'Shea. The rag's bouncer asked why I was having a heated discussion with him and apologised to me and dragged him out :)

I trod/stamped on Andy Cole's foot and he ended up on the bench for a Champion's League game.

On another note, Ole Gunnar is one of the nicest people I have ever met and it annoys me slightly.

 

[Manci7y]

I work at MCTC and take great pleasure in singing Bluemoon when I wake them up in the morning and do have a habit of giving Rags lower scores than I give everyone else!!!!

My shitty jobs list currently has 2 rags on and one chelski fan!!!!

 

[Prestwich_Blue]

During the war, I volunteered to be a German spy and wrote to Adolf Hitler telling him the swamp was actually a synagogue and everyone who was anyone was going to be at a meeting there on March 11th 1941.

I got caught by MI5 and was hung but worth it to see the look on their faces when they turned up for the next home match.